When We Became Mommy and Daddy

On Wednesday April 29 we woke up knowing we had gotten our last full night of sleep we would get in a while. The next time we slept at home in our bed we would have our baby boy there with us. Ryan's parents, brother, sister, niece and nephew had been staying with us since Friday as we all eagerly awaited the arrival of our baby boy, but he did not come early like we had hoped he would. Now my due date had arrived and we were anxiously waiting for 5:00 pm to come because that is the earliest that the hospital had said to expect a call telling us to go in for me to be induced.

Wednesday, April 29, 2015, 40 weeks

Ryan and I took our time getting ready and then went shoe shopping (he needed new tennis shoes and I just wanted new shoes). When we got home I went to Walmart with Ryan's mom and sister to grab a few things and kill some time. Five came and went and finally it was 7:00 pm. I was told to call at seven if I had not heard anything. I called and did not get the news I wanted: labor and delivery was slammed. In fact they were so busy that they had not even gotten to all the inductions for the day. I was told I was the first on their induction list for the night so as soon as a bed opened up I would get a call. If I did not hear anything by six the next morning, I was instructed to call back. How was I going to sleep?! We did what we could to stay entertained. We watched a movie (The Imitation Game) and finally decided to try and get some sleep at 12:30 am.

On April 30 after an hour of sleep my phone rang at 1:30 in the morning; it was time for us to go into the hospital. We got there around 2:15 am, got checked in and settled into our room then a nurse came and hooked me up to monitors, got my medical history, asked about what I wanted to happen during labor and delivery (epidural, skin to skin, etc), drew some blood and got my IV in. Instead of the balloon for cervical ripening my doctor had ordered a prostaglandin suppository pill to soften my cervix instead. I was still dilated just to a 1 and 80% effaced. By 3:45 am we were left alone to sleep-easier said than done-and wait for the pill to work its magic.

Just after getting to the hospital...before I knew what I was in for!

Ryan slept and I catnapped until another nurse came in to check my progress at 7:30. I had made no progress. So she doubled my next dose of prostaglandin at 8:30, then we were left to wait 2 more hours. Shortly after that I ate what would be my last meal in about 24 hours.

At 10:30 I still had not made any progress, so next my doctor had ordered a Foley balloon to be placed in my cervix to help me dilate more naturally. But my water broke while nurse was checking me so they couldn't do the balloon. My contractions had gotten bad between 10-10:30 and I was afraid how bad they might get in the next 30 minutes, so I asked for epidural. I considered eating one more time, but the contractions were bad enough that I had no appetite.

Getting the epidural was not as bad as I thought it might be. By 11:15 the epidural was in and my legs were starting to go numb. I would spend the next sixteen hours turning from one side to the other every hour to make sure the epidural worked evenly on both sides. For the next few hours I tried to get little naps in whenever I could, knowing that I had a lot of work ahead of me.

Epidural going in (the needle in my back)

 An hour later I was dilated to a three and 100% effaced! It was around this time that both of our moms arrived to wait with us. The nurse started a low dose pitocin drip to speed things along! At 2:00 pm the nurse checked me again: I was now dilated to 4. Our baby was also fully engaged, meaning he was staying put and not going back up when she felt his head. So we continued to wait.

Around 3:00 pm the contractions were getting much more intense--bad enough that i pushed epidural button (to give an extra kick of medicine) twice. The contractions were doing some good though: when I was checked at 4:30 I was dilated to an eight! Baby was at station zero, which meant he just had two more cm to drop into the birth canal (makes pushing easier and faster) and I had two more centimeters to dilate. Everyone kept telling me it wouldn't much longer now before it would be time to push. It was around this time that my great aunt and uncle showed up at the hospital to wait in the waiting room for baby's arrival. A short time later I started feeling pretty intense back pain so I pushed epidural button again. An hour and a half later I was dilated to a nine and the baby was at station plus one. At station plus two he would be far enough down in the birth canal to start pushing.

Things did not progress as fast as everyone thought they would though. At 8:00 pm the nurse (our 3rd one since we got there) could still feel a little cervix on one side so she upped my pitocin drip to two. At 9:00: still some cervix, so she upped my pitocin to three. I think it was around this time my dad showed up and my great aunt and uncle decided to leave. They were so sweet to have waited so long! Now that my dad was there, they figured he could take over. We were all surprised that I was not progressing faster. At 9:30 pm my nurse took the pitocin to four. At this point they also put me on oxygen to help the baby. It did seem to make a difference in both his dropping heart rate and its recovery between contractions. At 10:00: still some cervix! It also felt like baby's head was slightly turned to one side so the nurse had a resident come check also. It was the same story til 11:00 pm when they upped the pitocin to six.

Then they decided to let me "rest" for 45 minutes in hopes that my body would do the work and move baby down further into the birth canal and clear my cervix. Ryan went out to the waiting room to update my dad and he decided that since he lived so close and it sounded like it would still be a while that he would go home and wait for our phone call.

The contractions got more intense and felt like they were back to back. The pressure made them so painful that I just laid there with my eyes closed waiting for it to end--I can't imagine how bad the pain would have been without the epidural. I was afraid to push the epidural button again for an extra boost because the baby's heart rate was dropping at the end of each contraction, then going back up. Since it was returning to normal between contractions the nurse said it wasn't too concerning, but I was afraid changing anything would slow progression or make the baby's heart rate drop more. Plus the nurse (who was pregnant herself) assured me that the pain was a result of the pressure and I would feel some relief once I was allowed to push (and she was right). On top of the pain the oxygen mask was uncomfortable and the constant air flow dried out my mouth and throat, and air leaked through the top of the mask, drying out my eyes.

Baby's heart rate is the red line, my contractions are the blue

Finally at midnight I was fully dilated so they had me start pushing to see if that moved our baby down. I pushed for an hour and a half with Ryan to my left, my mom to my right, Ryan's mom near my head and the nurse at the foot of the bed cheering me on. Every time I pushed through a contraction the baby's heart rate would drop very low. They only had me pushing every other contraction because it was taking so long for his heart rate to go back up to where it should be. He also was not moving down further into the birth canal.

My doctor came in and felt him through a few contractions. She said he was coming down but then going back up. She said at this point it didn't look good and she recommended a c-section. With how slow I progressed and the fact that the baby was not coming down with all that pushing she suspected something was wrong like maybe the cord was around his neck. She could use forceps to pull him past my pelvic bone and help him along if I wanted to keep trying, but she really felt a c-section was the best option for baby.

We agreed and the anesthesiologist came to administer the drug that would completely numb me from the rib cage down. It was the strangest feeling. The drug made me shake uncontrollably. I was so exhausted at this point (I was going on an hour of sleep in 41 hours) that I was fighting to keep my eyes open. At 1:30 am on May 1, they were wheeling me into the operating room.

I told the anesthesiologist I wished I could watch and he said, "Let me see what I can do." Minutes later he walked back in with a mirror on a stand with wheels. He positioned it above my head so I could see what was happening just as they were about to get started. It was actually really neat to watch. It was somewhat surreal: I could see my abdomen being cut open above me, but my body was on the other side of the curtain below my chin and I could not feel anything, so it almost seemed like I was not watching this happen to me. I kept moving my feet to watch them in th mirror and remind myself it was me. Even though I couldn't feel anything I remember I could still move my feet.

I was especially glad I had the mirror when they pulled my baby out of my belly at 1:45 am. The reason for my trouble during labor was immediately obvious: the umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck twice, which meant every time I pushed on a contraction he was moving down, tightening the cord around his neck and cutting off his circulation. He was perfect: perfect color, perfect cry, despite the cord around his neck. I started crying the second I saw him which only contributed more to my involuntary shaking. They immediately unwound the cord from his little neck and passed him off to the NICU staff. Finally, now that my baby was out, the anesthesiologist removed the oxygen mask; I was so thirsty I could hardly swallow.

Resident training under our doctor holding baby Dean just after birth

Ryan followed our new baby boy and watched as they checked him out and weighed him while I watched doctors pull my ball of a pink uterus from my body, scoop out the placenta out of it and then soak up blood with rags. They then proceeded to inspect my uterus for abnormalities. They pointed out two fibroids, one of which I already knew about; they couldn't remove them because they were worried about too much blood loss.

Ryan came over by my head holding our son as doctors stitched up my uterus and placed it back in my abdomen. Ryan held our perfect baby boy where I could see him for a few minutes then sat down behind my head. Our baby was a healthy 7 lbs 15 oz and 21.5 inches long. I had been saying I thought he was going to be long, but everyone just thought he felt long to me because I am so small, but it turned out I was right. He also has long skinny fingers and feet.

At this point the feeling of relief allowed my body to give way to the exhaustion. I let my eyes close telling myself I would just rest for a minute. I did not see them stitch me up, or put the staples in, although I remember them saying something about staples. When I came to again the mirror was gone. At some point the anesthesiologist took a picture of Ryan and our new baby next to my head. I just remember looking back at the camera and trying my best not to let my eyes close.

First Family Photo

After only about 20 minutes I was stitched and stapled back together and they were taking us back to the delivery room where our moms were waiting. Before wheeling us out of the operating room, someone placed our sweet baby in the crook of my arm so I could hold him for the first time. I stared at his adorable little face all the way to the room. The anesthesiologist even told our waiting moms to make sure they did not take our baby too fast because I had just gotten him. Then he gave me some bad news: I was not allowed to eat or drink anything (other than three ice chips an hour-which I was instructed not to chew) for another EIGHT hours because of the risk of nausea: they did not want me getting sick with all the stitches and staples in my abdomen.

My sweet baby boy

 So much about the rest of the night is just a blur. I was so tired that I felt like I was in a daze. I talked to my dad on the phone for a while and asked everyone to text other friends and family the news of the birth of our son, who we named Dean William (after our grandpas). Ryan's dad, brother and sister came to see us and say hi to the new addition to our family. Ryan's mom, brother and sister left from the hospital at 3:30 am to drive back to St. George because his sister and her two kids had to be in Las Vegas that afternoon to catch their flight home to Oklahoma. At some point I got to have skin to skin time with baby Dean. The nurse also had me try to breastfeed, which was much more challenging than I expected (it would be another day before I knew what I was doing and Dean picked up on it).

With Aunt Mandy and Uncle Russ, Grandma Vicki, and Grandma and Grandpa Madsen

I don't know what time it was when we got to the room we would call home for the next four days. I think it was around 4:00 am. Ryan was so tired that he did not have the energy to go with Dean to the nursery to get a couple shots and get his vitals and stats checked. At some point they brought him back into us and I slept until a nurse brought me some water and crackers. She said if my stomach handled those okay then she saw no reason why I could not eat breakfast. Around 7:30 I ate the best breakfast I had ever tasted in my life (french toast, sausage, fruit, Rice Chex cereal and milk)--I don't think I have ever been so hungry!

Our plans continued to change: instead of going home on Saturday or Sunday, we found out we would be in the hospital until Tuesday. Nothing had really gone as planned though so at this point I was fine doing whatever I was told we should do! We had planned to have a vaginal delivery, delay cord clamping so the baby gets those last few good pulses of nutrients, Ryan was going to cut the cord and then we were going to do something the hospital calls the sacred hour, which is where the doctor places the baby on mommy's tummy while he is cleaned off and syringed then they place baby on mommy's bare chest for an hour of skin to skin contact. It's supposed to be very healthy for baby in attachment and beneficial to breastfeeding.

We didn't really get to do any of our plan. Since I had to have a C-section the doctor cut the cord. Because the cord was around baby's neck and his heart rate had dropped so much during labor, there was no time for delayed cord clamping; our baby was handed off quickly to the NICU staff to be checked and evaluated to make sure he was okay. Ryan was able to be with me the whole time and watch. When they were done, they handed baby Dean to him to hold first while he waited for me to get stitched up. I am so glad that Ryan got that time with his son right away--I still remember looking back at him staring down at the tiny baby in his arms with so much love. Twenty minutes later when I was stitched and done I finally got to hold my new son on my chest while they wheeled me down the hall. Then I got my skin to skin time.

Even though nothing went according to plan, we still had a really neat experience and our baby was born healthy and perfect! If we had stuck to our plan that wouldn't have been the case--the outcome could have been tragic. Our baby Dean was born healthy and really that is what's important-- how he made his entrance doesn't even matter now. Sometimes plans change and we need to be reminded that we're not the ones in control of every situation. Even when nothing goes according to our plans, things can still work out for the best in the end. Dean is my proof of that! I have the most perfect gift ever and have never felt as much love for anyone as I do for my little family now.