A Great Loss and Hope of New Life

Today was embryo transfer day. It's been an entirely different experience this time around and we even considered delaying our cycle because of a family tragedy. Ultimately we decided that we had come so far and done so much to prepare that it would be better to go through with it as planned.

Melissa and Brandon 2014

On Thursday my sister, Melissa, her husband, Brandon and their 2 daughters came to stay with us. They had to move out of their house and had nowhere to go and no money, so they were going to stay through the weekend until he got his paycheck and they could find an apartment or some place to live. 

On Friday Brandon had lunch with his family and left for work at 1:00 pm. Melissa didn't hear from him and couldn't get ahold of him all afternoon (which is very unusual...they usually talk to and text each other throughout the day). Around 7:30 she and Ryan went to the dealership where Brandon worked to find him. His truck was in the parking lot but nobody had seen him all afternoon and he didn't come when they paged him over the intercom. They came back home to wait for him. 

October 4, 2008

He got off work at 9:00, but at 9:45 he still wasn't home. Melissa and Ryan went back to the dealership. They were closed and his truck was still in the same place. The gates are closed and locked at 10, so at this point his truck was locked in for the night. 

They came home again and she called the police. I put the kids to bed and told them their dad was staying the night at grandma's house to help her with something. We waited up all night hoping to hear from Brandon. At 3:00 am Saturday, two police officers came to the door. We stood on the porch with them as they delivered the news that they had found Brandon but he had passed away. Some time after midnight a janitor found him in the bathroom of the dealership. According to surveillance videos he had been in there all afternoon and nobody had noticed.

2006 (you can't tell, but Melissa is pregnant with Brinlee)

Melissa was devastated. I've never seen my sister so lost and empty. At 5:00 am another officer came by to give Melissa Brandon's wallet, keys and cell phone-he had 42 missed calls and 30 text messages. We didn't sleep at all that night. We called and woke up our parents and other sister to deliver the news. Ryan booked my dad a flight in from Las Vegas.

Just after 6:00 am we convinced Melissa to come lay in bed with us. She fell asleep fast and I wanted to hold her so bad, but I didn't want to wake her up. At 8:00 I woke Ryan up to go get my dad from the airport and I sat upstairs waiting for the girls to wake up.

Brandon and Melissa with daughters Alexia, Brinlee and Mackenzie

It took all my energy to act normal for them! They woke up around 9:00 excited to start the day. They kept asking about our plans for the day and when their dad would be here so they could show him the baby snake they caught with Uncle Ryan in the yard the day before. 

We watered the garden and I told them the whole family was coming over for breakfast. My mom, aunt, and youngest sister and her family all arrived and we made pancakes, bacon and smoothies (although the kids were the only ones who ate much). Before long my dad and Ryan got home and then we got a surprise visit by my other aunt and her 2 daughters (ages 8 and 11) who had driven down from Idaho Falls. The girls were thrilled!

2008

Melissa woke up around 10:00 and an hour later my sisters and I pulled Kenzie and Brinlee into the bedroom to tell them their dad was never coming home again. I'll never forget the looks on their faces as Melissa delivered the hardest news of her life. Brinlee looked so small with her arms and legs wrapped around her mom and Kenzie's shoulders shook as she sobbed sitting between me and Kim. We assured them that the whole family was going to make sure they were okay. Kenzie worries about everything and I especially wanted her to know that she and her mom and sister had a home with me and Ryan for as long as they wanted. When we walked out the whole family was waiting in the kitchen with hugs and tears.

May 2014

Later that afternoon the kids wanted to go buy posters for their rooms. Kenzie also had a shoe box she wanted to decorate to keep things that reminded her of her dad in. I packed up the four girls (Kenzie, Brinlee and the cousins) in the car and we went to Walmart. They each picked out 2 posters and we bought all kinds of craft supplies to decorate their memory boxes. Then they picked out journals and stickers so they could write down their feelings and memories of their dad. They even picked out a small gift, some flowers and a journal for their mom. We came home and I helped them decorate their boxes and journals.

For the last few days they've both come to me separately several times saying they wanted to write in their journals and asking if I would make sure nobody came into their room. The kids seem to be coping the best, but they still have their moments of sadness and tears. Melissa is surviving, but I'm worried about her. I know the only thing that will help her feel somewhat normal again is time; I wish I could speed it up. Ryan has been so good just being with her and getting her out of the house when he can. Having cousins for the girls to play with was the best thing for them; they have had fun and stayed busy while their mom has had time to process and grieve.

Kenzie and Brinlee with 2nd cousins Jocelynn, Kaeley and 1st cousin Bailey

Our embryo transfer appointment was at 10:15 this morning. Before that I had scheduled another acupuncture treatment, so we stopped by the acupuncturist's office on our way to the clinic. This treatment was similar to the one Thursday, but with a few more needles. Again it hurt a little in some spots, but left me so relaxed! After she removed the needles she used this special tool to send little electrical surges through some of the meridians on my legs and stomach. That felt strange and hurt a little; it felt like a little pointy thing vibrating against my skin, but then I also felt a little zing deeper down.

Pin cushion

After acupuncture we headed to the clinic. They were packed! We waited for almost 30 minutes before they took us back to the room. This time it was Dr. Erica Johnstone who did the procedure. She came in, went over the paperwork and gave us a picture of our embryos. Both of the embryos survived thawing; both were what she called fair quality. One was not quite to the full blastocyst stage, but it could still continue to develop just fine. She said she thought our chance of twins was about 20%.

Our embryos!

We signed papers and she gave me 2 Valium, then left us to let it start working. That part was different. By the time she came in to do the embryo transfer I was already feeling the effects of the Valium, so the actual transfer is a little blurry in my head. Dr. Johnstone was wonderful though-very personable and gentle. After they were done they left me to relax for 30 minutes. Usually I spend this time reading; today I was asleep in minutes, practically drooling all over myself. Before I knew it they were telling me to get dressed and wheeling me out to the car.

Waiting to get started

My aunt and her daughters left to drive back to Idaho this morning and my mom took the day off to be with the kids and help me out after our embryo transfer. With all the people at our house over the weekend I did not really have time to prepare for my embryo transfer (I didn't do things like grocery shopping and cleaning). She and the girls spent the morning cleaning then my mom took them shopping for school clothes. Ryan and I were so excited to come home to a clean house after the busy weekend. I went straight to bed and when the kids got home they came downstairs and showed me what they got with grandma and gave me cards and gifts. They are the sweetest little girls!

Letter, candy and necklace from Kenzie and card and flower from Brinlee!

Melissa and the two girls will be living with us for a while now. Melissa lost her best friend and soul mate, three girls lost their father (Lexi is living with her grandpa and aunt) and Ryan lost one of his closest friends this weekend. Brandon will be greatly missed by all of us. I will never forget him playing in the yard with the kids or teasing our niece (he would poke her head with his finger and she would yell, "no B!" but she always came back for more). He was such a good father and friend. I cannot imagine football season without Brandon and Ryan playing pool while Brandon cheers for the Bears. We have a long tough road ahead-especially the children who are not going to get the experience of growing up with a father, a girl's first love. It still doesn't seem real. It's hard to picture a future without him in it.

2011

The Berrett family has a lot of healing ahead of them. If anyone can afford to donate, every dollar helps. Brandon did not have life insurance so we are doing everything we can to help them pay for the funeral and get back on their feet. Click here to make a donation online or go into any Mountain America Credit Union and donate to the Brandon Berrett Memorial Fund. For funeral information, read the obituary here.