Growing a Human is Rough!

Who knew growing a baby would be so exhausting! In fact the last year with all of the hormones and treatments has all been pretty exhausting. I know I'm getting ahead of myself, but I just keep thinking that I'm going to have to go through all of this again-and I do mean ALL of it.

There's a chance that when we try for a second baby that we will be able to make it happen on our own, but likely we will have to do IVF again. That means months of medication and injection schedules in addition to the typical pregnancy symptoms. 

If we're lucky, we'll get pregnant on our our first or second try with one of our remaining 3 frozen embryos (2 are frozen together so we have to use them together) so we won't have to go through the misery of egg retrieval again, but there's no way to know for sure. It's crazy that I'm even thinking that far ahead right now, but it's always there lingering in the back of my mind. That's how being infertile makes me feel different: I don't just have to go through pregnancy again to have another child, but I'll likely have to go through a lot to get pregnant in the first place-it really is quite a process.

As far as pregnancy goes I know I've been pretty lucky so far. I am nauseous almost all of the time, but I have not actually thrown up (yet...although I've wanted to!) I dread showering because showers always make me more nauseous. I know it's the heat, but I've cooled my showers considerably from what is usual for me--if I turn the water any colder I'll freeze! I just keep reminding myself that it's all part of growing a human being!

I miss the first couple weeks of my pregnancy when all I wanted to do was eat and everything tasted so good! Now I get more sick when I'm hungry but the thought of eating always turns my stomach--I feel like I have to force myself to eat.

I am exhausted all the time (probably because I'm not sleeping well, which is likely contributing to my nausea) and I feel like a royal bitch most days (which my sister confirmed last night that I have been acting like one), but my family has been putting up with it. It's amazing what stress and exhaustion can do to your mood and how it can affect what comes out of your mouth! My doctor told me to take 1/2 a Unisom at night and 50 mg of vitamin B three times a day to help battle my nausea by helping me get a good night's sleep...it doesn't seem to be working well.

One reminder of my infertility process is the nightly progesterone injections I have to endure. I know I've complained about them before, but they really are a miserable experience and seem to get worse. Sometimes they are very painful and they have been leaving hard lumps, some numb spots and making me very sore (only 15 more shots to go! Yay!)

I keep wondering if it's normal to worry as much as I do. I worry if I feel too good for a day, I worry when my nipples aren't as sore as the day before, I worry when I get upset or stressed--I worry that any of these things means my pregnancy is going away. Today has been a bad day; I've been in bed feeling nauseous and tired most of the day...I'm not worried about my pregnancy at all today! I am worried that I may be coming down with a cold: my throat is very sore!

I'm not all negative these days though. I'm so excited for every appointment: one week until my next one. I look forward to every week--I am 8 weeks today; our baby is the size of a large raspberry and growing every day. I am SO excited for all the future pregnancy milestones (which I'm sure will bring more surprises, joys and miseries)! I'm also enjoying being able to relate to friends' pregnancy complaints on Facebook instead of being jealous of them. I feel like I'm part of a new little club of pregnant women. Sometimes it even feels like the past doesn't matter, all that matters is that we're all going to have babies within the next 7 months.

What's more exciting is that I recently found out that one of my friends who has also been struggling with infertility for years is pregnant and just 3 weeks ahead of me. She's my one pregnant friend who I feel like really understands what it feels like to want to be pregnant and have a baby more than anything and then finally get what you want. She's the one person who can agree that even if we feel miserable and complain, we still wouldn't want it any other way!