Bright Spots on Gloomy Days

A few things happened this last week that I do not want to forget, so since this is the closest thing I have to a journal I figured I should write about my experiences here! We are so lucky to have so many special children in our lives. Not having children of our own right away has helped me to have an even stronger relationship with my two sisters' kids and and for that I am grateful.

Even though I was sick this week I still had to pick up my younger sister's kids (ages 10 and 8) from school on Tuesday and babysit my youngest sister's two children (ages 2 1/2 and 9 months) while she was in school on Monday, Wednesday and Friday. This cold I have had all week was at its worst on Tuesday. I spent the day in bed or on the couch, except for the time I spent taking a relaxing bath.

Since I would not have to get out of the car, I picked up my nieces in pink plaid pajama pants and a gray sweatshirt (that was just a little too short to pass as a maternity top). I did not put on any makeup or do anything more than blow dry my hair. If you know me you know I always do my hair and makeup even when I don't plan on leaving the house. I feel better when I am all put together and ready. Except for when I'm sick...like on Tuesday...when I barely had the energy to move. I picked up the kids from school and drove them home. When I was walking them up to their apartment 8-year-old Brinlee told me that I looked pretty. It was so sweet and made me feel so good on a day when I was feeling pretty crappy.

I warned my youngest sister on Sunday night that I was sick, but she could not miss class and did not have anyone else to cover. She is 2 months away from graduating from Utah Valley University. Usually her mother-in-law watches her kids, but she was out of town this week and I had promised to fill in when my sister asked me at the beginning of the semester. I had made a commitment to her so I still babysat even though I was not feeling up to it.

It ended up working out...I survived and had fun playing with the kids like I always do. Dylan, the baby, was actually coming down with a little cold himself so he napped better than usual (as long as I was holding him, which was fine with me because I was tired myself). He's usually a squirmy kid, but this week-especially Friday-he was extra cuddly. I enjoyed every second of it--even if it was just because he wasn't feeling too good. On Friday he actually fell asleep eating in between bites during lunch! Even if he wasn't feeling well, he was still pretty happy and not as fussy as he can be sometimes. It is so fun watching him army crawl around and try to keep up with his sister!

Sweet Dylan being all cuddly

Bailey, his big sister, is a really good kid. She's very outgoing, animated and smart. She constantly impresses me with the things she knows. For example, when I got there on Wednesday she was playing with some flash cards. I started holding them up for her and she knew all the animals and most of the other items including rainbow, unicorn, robot and volcano. Of the ones I flipped through, the only one she missed was astronaut! She even knew all the shapes including the difference between rectangle and square, and circle and oval. She even knew octagon (and just hearing her say that word is adorable!)

Bailey writing me a story about smiley faces

I am getting sidetracked though...something Bailey does that I love is that she always tells you she missed you as part of her greeting. Every single morning when I walked in the door she said, "Hi Aunt Char! I missed you!" and ran to greet me. I always kneel down so she can give me a big hug. Friday morning she made me feel extra special for two more reasons: First, after she pulled away from our hug she told me that my eyes were pretty and that she liked my eyelids. It was sweet because I was wearing a new color of eye shadow and this little toddler was the only one who noticed. Being the cute kid she is she then closed her eyes and asked me if I liked her eye lids too.

The second thing that made my day happened minutes later when Bailey told me I was her best friend. I told her she was mine too--afterall we do have lots of fun playing. She told me I was her best friend several more times throughout the day, including once during nap time/quiet time while we all cuddled on the couch watching Miles From Tomorrowland on Disney Junior. I was holding a sleeping Dylan on my left arm and Bailey was laying on my right with her pillow on my lap: I thought she was sleeping too until she rolled over to face me, hugged my arm and said "Aunt Char, you're my best friend." MELTED MY HEART!

The last fun thing that happened this week: I received my first gift off of my Amazon Baby Registry! On Friday when I got home from babysitting there was a big box waiting for me on the front porch. We brought it in the house, opened it up and inside was a glider and ottoman from my dad. I got it all put together (fortunately it came mostly assembled) and will be enjoying it in my living room until our baby gets a little closer and we get the rest of the nursery furniture. THANK YOU DAD!! It is so exciting to get baby stuff in the mail! Waiting for my shower makes me feel like a child waiting for a birthday party (one more week!)!

Our new Glider!

All of these things (including the kindness of my neighbors I wrote about in my last post) helped cheer me up during a week when I felt pretty down. I have been feeling a little lonely lately. Being sick always does that to me though. For some reason when I am home sick I just want comfort--I get that "I want my mommy" feeling you have when you stay home sick as a child. As an adult, I think I would feel content if Ryan could stay home and cuddle me until I am well. Instead we have to be grown-ups and so I lay around the house alone all day, not feeling social at all, but still feeling isolated. To make it worse Ryan was sick 2 weeks ago and missed work so he was been busy with work stuff and not home a lot this last week.

Besides the pregnancy hormones that make me cry when it rains on my clean car (or any time I don't get my way...I know...childish), I know part of the problem is that I function best when I am in a routine. Being sick, on top of pregnant (and babysitting which wore me out more than usual) I have had zero energy this week and have therefore accomplished nothing. I have not even made our bed this week--not once. My house is a cluttered mess. I have had errands to run, but have not felt up to it. We have been eating whatever we can find because I have not felt like cooking.  

I am sure I will feel better mentally once I feel well physically and can get back to a clean house, cooked meals and my regular routine. I actually felt better yesterday and did run some errands and do a little shopping. In the meantime these little comments from children and one big baby gift helped to brighten my week. 

I am also pretty excited for February to be over...one more month down, only 2 more (maybe slightly less) to go!

Pregnancy Surprises

I expected the stereotypical symptoms: cravings, mood swings, morning sickness, and to get fat, feel tired and eventually be so uncomfortable that I couldn't wait for the baby to come. But I feel like pregnant women talk more about their labor and delivery experiences than their pregnancy experiences! Just like I did while going through infertility, I have learned some things while going through pregnancy. So many things have surprised me...

Insomnia 

I expected to have trouble sleeping towards the end of pregnancy when I got big and uncomfortable, but never expected to not be able to sleep for no reason through my entire pregnancy! I wake up to pee about three times a night and each time have more trouble going back to sleep-sometimes it takes me a couple hours, sometimes I wake up at 4:30 and don't fall back to sleep. It's not because I'm uncomfortable in any way (although some nights my hips hurt), I just plain can't sleep.

Lack of Reach

Simple tasks are getting harder! Maybe it's because I'm so short, but with my belly in the way I can't reach high shelves-really just the second shelf in my kitchen cupboards feels high these days-even on my tip toes. I also have to stand on my toes to reach the wand to open and close the kitchen blinds because my belly makes me have to stand further back from the counter. Doing dishes is a challenge too because I have to lean forward a little to reach which makes my back hurt. Don't even get me started on shaving my legs or putting on my shoes...

Fat Feet

Speaking of Shoes...my shoes are all too small. Okay, not all...I have TWO pairs of shoes that still fit without hurting my feet, the rest feel too tight. My hands are swollen too, so my wedding ring has not fit in months and I wake up with stiff sore fingers every morning.

Weigh Ins

It's hard to watch the numbers on the scale rise. Watching my belly grow as the baby grows inside me is kinda fun...seeing my weight go up FIVE pounds of more for every ONE pound of baby, not so much. I keep telling myself that fifteen pounds will be baby, placenta and amniotic fluid, but it still makes seeing my weight getting closer to 200 than 100 really hard. I look back at picture from the first few months of my pregnancy when I was bloated and my pants were getting tight--I thought I was chubby back then! Now I look at those pictures and think "Wow! Look how skinny I was!"

12 Weeks (when I thought I was getting fat) and 31 Weeks (can you tell I'm sick?)

The Longest 9 Months

The time passes S O   S L O W L Y! I've heard that the last month feels SO LONG...so far it has all felt so long so I imagine the last month is going to be torture! You'd think after waiting over a decade to become a mom nine (10 really) months would seem like nothing, but it seems like forever! I've had other people tell me my pregnancy is flying by...maybe for them. But really, is it April yet?

Painful Kicks 

I expected rib kicks towards the end of my pregnancy to hurt (which they really don't yet, but he does jam his little feet up under my ribs making it hard to bend or move). It's the low down kicks that really get me! This little guy likes to pound on my bladder and cervix! If you see me jump or cry out (in pain)...that's why! It surprises me every time! I'm not sure what it feels like to get kicked in the balls, but I imagine a swift kick to the cervix feels similar. It's especially rough when I'm driving and can't change positions to take the pressure off when he stretches out and puts pressure down there. Maybe it's his way of getting even with me for always waking him up by poking him and pushing on his little protruding limbs to make him move around for my enjoyment!

Aches and Tired Muscles

Even sitting gets uncomfortable. I figured being on my feet a lot would be hard, but I never thought just sitting on the couch would make my back tired. By about eight or nine every night I'm ready to go to bed. After being vertical all day my lower abdomen and my back feel so tired from carrying the extra weight in front that no matter how I sit (or stand) I can't get comfortable. Eventually I just feel like I need to be horizontal (with all my extra pillows) to take the pressure off tired muscles. I didn't realize how achy I would get. Again I expected this in the last few weeks, but not for part of the 2nd and the entirety 3rd trimester.

Leaking

I have talked about this one before, but seriously, I had no idea that my boobs would start leaking so soon! By week 20 I was wearing breast pads daily. Sometimes I leak so much I soak through them. I thought leaky boobs was one of those symptoms that showed up right at the end, but for me that's not the case. Even Ryan has gotten used to seeing wet spots appear on my pajama top at night (I tried sleeping in a sports bra with pads, but it's just too hot).

Antisocial Behavior

I love hosting parties, cooking big family dinners and going out with friends...or I loved doing those things until I got pregnant. Now I don't have the energy to prepare food for gatherings, after a couple hours of having people over I'm ready for everyone to leave and when I do feel like going out I'd rather just sit in one place and talk to one or two people. I've turned into an antisocial person. Hopefully once the baby comes I will feel like my old social self again (although probably even more sleep deprived). I've never in my life been so content to just sit home on my couch on a Sunday afternoon or watch tv in bed after dinner...just me and Ryan. I never get sick of being with him!

Lack of Appetite

I thought I'd be craving all this crazy food and want to eat all the time! I do get hungry, but sometimes I have to remind myself to eat because it's been a few hours. Figuring out what I feel like eating is a daily challenge--more so now that I have to watch my carbs and sugar. I literally have days where nothing sounds good, but I have to eat, so I always manage to figure out something.

Weakened Immune System

I knew it was important for pregnant women to stay well but thought it was just because they couldn't take medicine. I'd also heard they were to avoid certain foods because of potential illness, but thought if it didn't make me sick before I was pregnant why would it be so unsafe pregnant? Now that I'm pregnant, I get it. The nurse at my first appointment scared me straight with all her talk of my weakened immune system and a little something called lysteria (bacteria pregnant women are especially vulnerable to that causes food poisoning). 

I'm more susceptible to illness and bacteria because my body is busy growing a human which means it is harder for my body to fight off illness. I'm currently sick for the 3rd time in six months. I never get sick that often! I had the stomach flu in January and had a minor cold last fall. I currently have a horrible cold! I am so careful too: I wash my hands all the time, I don't share food or drinks (and haven't at all since I got pregnant) and I didn't even kiss Ryan on the lips for 2 whole weeks (so hard!) because he had a cold, but I still managed to get sick. Ryan had a sore throat for a week then severe sinus congestion kicked in...I had a scratchy throat for two days then woke up feeling like I might die. My body decided to throw in severe chest congestion and a cough as well. I can't wait to have my old immune system back!

A Little Update...

Despite being sick it has been a pretty good week. I've said it before and I will say it again: I have fantastic neighbors! On Tuesday, within hours of finding out I was sick, my next-door-neighbor brought me some yummy homemade soup with lots of veggies (and hardly any carbs). Then yesterday, right after I got home from babysitting my niece and nephew (did I forget to mention I'm my sister's back-up babysitter and on duty 3 days this week?) my across the street neighbor brought me almond milk and some low carb snacks along with a list of recommendations for low carb sweet snacks and healthy meal ideas from her sister-in-law who had gestational diabetes during FOUR pregnancies! I feel very spoiled. I just wish I felt better so I could have enjoyed my days with my sister's cute kids a little more (since I am sick, Dylan's hour and a half nap yesterday was pretty great). I really hope they don't get my cold!

I seriously cannot get enough of these cuties!

Another fun thing that happened in the middle of my sick and busy week...the car seat and stroller I ordered arrived today! I had an old infant seat my sister gave me years ago. It took us so long to get pregnant that the carseat expired a few years ago. I found out that Babies 'R Us does a trade-in event once (maybe twice?) a year where you can trade in any expired or damaged car seat for a 25% off coupon good towards certain large items (carseats, furniture, etc.). I traded in the old infant seat and ordered the Chicco Cortina Travel System with the coupon, which ended up saving me $80! So it's like I paid for the carseat and got the stroller as an added bonus for just an extra $60. 

I used the little energy I had today putting the stroller together and figuring out how it folds and opens, reclines, brakes, etc. and how the carseat snaps in and out of it. I can't wait to try it all out with our baby!

Our new car seat and stroller!

Did I mention we hit the single digits this week? Only NINE more weeks until our little guy is due to arrive! It's so close, yet still so far...

30 Weeks and More Needles

I thought my gestational diabetes scare was over...I was wrong. Last week my doctor called about my results. Because my glucose level after the first hour was high normal and the second hour was above normal she said she didn't want to rule out gestational diabetes yet. Instead she sent me to a gestational diabetes management class and instructed me to test my blood and track the results for a week.

I took the 2-hour class last night. Turns out there are some crappy diet restrictions. It's so much harder than just cutting out the sweets! They instructed me to track my carbohydrate intake and pay attention to protein. I should try to eat 1 gram of protein to 2 grams of carbs and I'm only allowed 30 carbs for each breakfast, lunch and snacks (up to 3 snacks a day) and 30-45 grams of carbs for dinner (my meal allowances are based on my height, current weight and pre-pregnancy weight).

Once I got home and started looking at labels, I realized how hard it was going to be. A single serving of milk (1 cup) has 13 grams of carbs--that's half of what I'm allowed right there! I drink milk with every meal...the baby LOVES milk!

Some other common things I eat would also have to change:

• Cereal: Honey Nut Cheerios have 20 net grams of carbs (carbs minus fiber) per 3/4 of a cup (which is less than I usually eat in a serving). With 1 cup of milk that puts me at 33 grams, which is more than I'm allowed for breakfast. 
• Cereal/Snack: Quaker Oatmeal Squares cereal has 39 grams of carbs per cup (without milk) so I can no longer snack on those! 
• Breakfast: 1 piece of cinnamon swirl toast (24 g), one low fat yogurt (16 g), a scrambled egg, 2 slices of bacon and a glass of milk (13 g); that's 53 grams--almost twice my carb allotment! 
• Lunch: A Peanut Butter and Honey Sandwich on whole wheat bread with a glass of milk is 70 grams of carbs (twice my maximum dinner allowance).
• Snack: Grapes (15 g per 3 ounces) and a Light Yogurt (16 g) puts me over by 1 gram. 

Now for some very sad news: what I consider a serving of ice cream contains more carbs than I'm allowed in any one sitting: one "serving" of Kirkland brand vanilla ice cream (not including the crushed Oreos I like to sprinkle on top) contains 23 grams of carbs. One serving is only 1/2 cup (that's only 8 tablespoons people!)--who really eats that little ice cream at a time?? The big question here is: who determines these tiny serving sizes?! 

Cheese, nuts and pickles are safe, but unfortunately not very filling. You can see how hard this would be! I don't drink soda, but just so you soda lovers can understand, a can of regular Coke has 39 grams of carbohydrates (thanks to the excessive sugar) which means if I were to drink a soda, it would basically replace the carbs for a dinner (which means no bread, potatoes, rice or even veggies containing carbs)! It's not fair for any woman to have to diet pregnant--pregnancy should be a time to be free to eat whatever you crave (I am resisting a chocolate craving right this second)! 

Besides the diet, I have to test my blood 4 times a day-once in the morning and again 2 hours after each meal-and track the results for the next week. At that point my doctor will evaluate the results and decide if I should continue testing for the remainder of my pregnancy. If my numbers look good she said I will not have continue to test my blood daily, just randomly. 

My nifty little diabetic test kit

I felt like a pro in the class last night when the instructor had us all test our blood in the class...after all the shots during IVF these little finger prick needles are nothing! As the instructor gave us directions I followed along like everyone else, put the little needle trigger to my finger, pushed the button and like that it was done. The other two girls in the class who were also learning how to test that night looked at me surprised and asked how I could just do it like that.

It was easy...First, I don't have to actually push the needle in (I just push a trigger button and it goes in and out super quick) and second I don't even see the needle go in because it's hidden inside a plastic cap with a hole in the tip. I barely feel it--It feels like the slightest prick. These are definitely the easiest needles yet! All I need is the tiniest drop of blood to dip the edge of the test strip in.

I will say that I have a new respect for diabetics. On my first full day of testing I already had to take my test kit with me to an appointment so I could test on time. It's not just the trouble of daily testing at certain times (which reminds me of taking IVF meds on a schedule), but I love food (especially dessert) and cannot imagine how hard it would be to limit myself forever.

I know several women who have had gestational diabetes (some more than once) and they've all told me it's not that bad...I'm sure once the baby is born it doesn't seem so bad looking back. I do know it's important to take care of me in order to protect him. If I don't follow instructions he could be born early, have underdeveloped lungs or be jaundice (which I didn't know is actually common in babies born to mothers with GD).

At my 30-week check-up today I asked my doctor about the diet and she said that I do not need to follow it quite so strictly, but to try my best to stay close to the recommendations (such a relief). She said I just need to make sure I eat smart and limit carbs where I can for the remainder of my pregnancy no matter how my glucose levels test over this next week. So far I have tested 4 times and been in the normal range each time (on the high end of it twice). It will be interesting to see if I stay in the normal range when I add a few more carbs back in tomorrow (like milk with lunch, which I skipped today because my food had 30 carbs).

My appointment went well and I am feeling a little better than last time. I've gained another 5 pounds (166 total now...) and am measuring at 31 weeks (only 5 days ahead of where I actually am instead of 2 weeks ahead like last time, which scared me a little). The baby's heartbeat is still right where it should be and he's moving so much this week that I haven't even been doing kick counts--he hasn't been sitting still long enough for me to worry (he's kicking me in the ribs right now)! 

Wednesday, Feb. 18, 30 weeks

The only sad thing about this appointment is that it was the first appointment Ryan missed. His little cold from last week that hit him hard over the weekend has kept him home from work all week. He didn't feel like he should be blowing his nose every three minutes in a doctor's office full of pregnant women who are trying desperately to stay healthy! Besides that, no kids are allowed at appointments through March, until flu/RSV season has passed, because they MIGHT be sick...so it's probably better for an adult who knows he is sick to stay home. There are plenty of appointments left for him to come to: I start going in every two weeks now and once I hit the 36 week mark we will be seeing the doctor once a week to check baby's (and mommy's) progress!

Kicks and Fun...While I Worry

Since starting my blog I have connected with several friends and acquaintances who have also struggled with infertility (primary or secondary) for years. Now that I'm pregnant I love hearing about the pregnancies of others, but I get especially excited when I find out that a friend who struggled with infertility is pregnant. I'm not sure if it is because I understand how they must feel (excited and scared) or if it lifts some of the guilt I feel for "leaving them behind" or if it just makes me feel like I'm part of a club...maybe a little bit of all of those.

I still feel a little alone at times and I think it stems from all of my irrational fears. I don't see many other pregnant women who seem to be afraid of "what might happen" through their entire pregnancies like I am. For the longest time I was so afraid that our baby and this pregnancy was just going to disappear.

Now that I can feel the baby moving so much I feel more reassured that he's still alive and kicking (literally) in there. I have spent some nights awake for hours trying to get him to move-poking at my stomach, sitting in just the right position, chugging cold water, eating something sweet or just changing positions every few minutes hoping it wakes him up in there. 

I wake up and panic a little sometimes because I can't remember when I last felt him move. Some days when he doesn't move as much as normal I get stressed out--especially if I am too busy to just lay down and wait for him to get active so I can count kicks and be reassured. For the last two weeks I've been counting kicks daily. Per doctor's orders I sit still twice a day and count the baby's movements. He should move 10 times within an hour (usually it doesn't take him even close to an hour though), and if he doesn't I'm supposed to call my doctor. So far, so good.

I hear horrible stories of women losing their babies late in pregnancy. I have a perfectly healthy pregnancy (mostly) and baby so I shouldn't worry, but I still get this gripping fear of "what if that happens to our baby." Maybe that's why this pregnancy seems so long...is because I can't wait for him to be born (that and knowing from so early) so I can breath a sigh of relief knowing he is okay (of course I'm sure an infant will bring all kinds of new fears).  I try to push the fears out of my mind so I can enjoy this life changing experience. I have never experienced anything that causes so much change in me in such a short time.

Week 7 and Week 29 (5 months and 20 lbs. later!)

I've had people tell me not to worry, but that doesn't help at all...I'm still going to worry and there is nothing anyone can do to change that. There is always something to worry about; right now I am worried I will catch Ryan's cold--being sick seems so much worse pregnant! I hope once I've experienced pregnancy all the way through it will get easier; hopefully I can feel more calm and confident with my next pregnancy. 

For now I'm enjoying the kicks (even the painful ones) and feeling grateful for our healthy, growing baby. I will admit I have kindof a love/hate relationship with pregnancy though...for the most part it sucks. But I will take the exhaustion, swelling, irrational emotions, constant hunger, shortness of breath, loose joints (I can't believe I haven't sprained an ankle yet), weight gain, sore boobs, insomnia, aches and pains just to feel a baby moving and kicking inside me. And it's a little fun to watch my belly grow all big and round and to wear maternity clothes! Feeling him move or push his foot under my rib cage-even if it makes me jump-makes all the crappy pregnancy symptoms worth it!

All those women out there who LOVE being pregnant must have a vastly different experience than me. But I don't mean to complain...I am still so happy that I have the opportunity to experience pregnancy, even the uncomfortable parts! It truly is an experience like no other and I would do it again. Overall I am enjoying this time in my life.

A few nights ago our baby boy had the hiccups! If was a first for me (not sure if it was for him too or if I just haven't felt them until now). I was laying in bed feeling him move and realized his little "kicks" I was feeling deep down were more like little rhythmic twitches that made my tummy flinch. Then I realized that it wasn't just normal movement I was feeling, it was hiccups! They only lasted for a couple of minutes but it made me smile. I can't wait to hear some of my other formerly infertile friends' experiences with some of these milestones too.

Despite being uncomfortable and worrying a little too much, I am still savoring this time. I look forward to each pregnancy milestone and appreciate every "last" that Ryan and I get together as a twosome. This weekend was our last Valentine's Day (for many years) to go on a date and not need a babysitter. We went out on Thursday and celebrated early with a fancy dinner at Ruth's Chris Steak House downtown. We have also been enjoying the warm weather and taking the Corvette out for drives, something we won't be able to do any time we want with no backseat and a baby in tow. Soon it will be the Friday night date car!

We left Friday to take our last road trip together in the Corvette and drove to St. George for the weekend. This is also our last St. George trip without a baby! We drove with the top off for the first hour and a half then it started getting late and a little chilly. The road trip came with another first: my first puffy ankles (to match my already swollen hands and feet)! They were normal by morning though. We are staying with Ryan's parents for the long weekend and enjoying the gorgeous weather--it's in the mid-seventies! (Now if Ryan could just kick this nasty cold he has!)

Last road trip together in the Corvette!

On Valentine's Day we took a drive through the Virgin River Gorge at sunset. It was beautiful and peaceful. Corvette drives are always a little romantic too because it's guaranteed to be just the two of us. Ryan loves driving that car and I love seeing him happy. Soon we'll have a son and I have a feeling that will make him very happy too!

Some pictures of our sunset drive (or of the car and the gorge)!

The Three Hour Test

9:30 am: Check in...after 30 minutes in traffic thanks to THREE accidents in the final cleanup stages within FOUR miles of each other on I-15. My tummy is already growling! I can think of few ways to torture a pregnant woman other than depriving her of food! I admit I'm a little irritated that they are making me wait; since I have to be here for 3 hours, you would think they would skip me to the front of the line for the first blood draw so my 3-hour wait can begin. I brought my laptop so I can hopefully stay entertained through this long wait.

9:40 am: Draw for fasting glucose level done. Okay, so I only waited about 5 minutes. I got the same lady who drew my blood on Friday, so she was already familiar with my tricky veins. She started out with the butterfly needle this time, checked both arms to find the best vein and got it (after a little needle maneuvering) on the first try. Now they're testing to make sure my fasting blood sugar level is normal and if it is they will give me the nasty sugar water to drink. I'm a little worried about how that is going to make my empty stomach feel (please don't get sick!) The baby is kicking...I think he's trying to tell me to eat something because he's hungry too!

9:47 am: My fasting glucose test is normal. I now have 8 minutes to drink 10 ounces of this nasty sugary fluid. I opted for lemon-lime flavored (even though they taste the same to me) because it is clear and if I puke I'd rather it not be bright orange! This drink contains twice the sugar concentration of the drink from the one hour test. The label cautions pregnant women against consuming the drink except under a doctor's supervision and lists common side effects as headaches, nausea and vomiting! I was instructed to stay here (for the entire 3 hours), because walking around could affect my blood sugar levels, and not to eat or drink anything but ice or water. I do love candy, but this might make me not want sweets for a week (okay, not likely). The sugar makes my throat burn a little...or maybe that's the acid reflux I have to live with for the next 3 hours.

9:55 am: The last swallow was torturous, but I somehow got it all down. My blood draws will be at 10:54, 11:54 and 12:54...maybe they should call it the 4-hour test since that's how long I'll actually be here!

10:00 am: I'm already feeling a little off...not terrible, but a little shaky and my stomach does not feel so great. If I can just make it through this first hour! The baby is moving around like crazy...I wonder if he's already getting a sugar rush?

10:55 am: Hour ONE complete...two more to go! The sugar has hit me, peaked, and now I'm crashing. I went from feeling shaky and sick to feeling like I need a nap! If only I could get comfortable in these waiting room chairs. They should have special recliners reserved for pregnant women taking this test!

11:30 am: I'm starting to not feel so good again...I'd give almost anything to be home in my bed right now. I'm hungry, so tired and uncomfortable. I've been working on a photo book on Shutterfly...the first hour flew by but now time is starting to drag. Another hour and a half and I can bust out the purse food on my way to my car!

12:05 pm: Blood draw #3 done (hour 2 is complete)...I'm in the home stretch now! Took a potty break and refilled my water. I'm still so sleepy! The waiting room has died down; there were people coming up to the desk one after another for the last hour and now it's just me and one other pregnant woman. I can't believe how many of women are here for glucose tests-in fact most of the patients have been! Unfortunately I am the only one hanging out for half a work day...the rest of them have come and gone.

Only 50 more minutes and I'll be done! Then I get to have lunch with Ryan and maybe I can squeeze in a nap before I pick up my sister's kids from school for our weekly afternoon of fun (I'd say play date but they'd say they're too old for play dates). I hope my nieces feel like watching a movie after school today...I don't have much motivation and if I don't get a nap before, maybe they won't notice me snoozing through the movie.

12:30 pm: I am dying for a stick of gum...or a breath mint.

12:56 pm: All done! I made it...and I didn't throw up or die of boredom! My laptop battery even held out: I still have 35% left somehow (yes I got it fixed on Monday). I got poked with needles 4 times, by 3 different people, on 2 arms with 2 different types of needles and ironically I ended up with a different color tape every time (green, blue, pink and purple).

My stylish souvenir arm bands

I've never been so grateful for a close parking spot! And thank goodness for purse food...I have a Ritz Cheddar Crackerful, a fudge dipped coconut granola bar and an almond granola bar (I like having options). I'm not really wanting sugar so you can guess which one I'm going to eat! A little snack for the drive and I'm off to lunch with my hubby. Too bad they can't get these results as fast as they did my fasting blood sugar level with that first vial of blood.

4:30 pm: Turns out they do get results fast! After lunch I only got a 20 minute nap (just long enough to wake up in a puddle of drool) before I had to pick up my nieces from school. After snacks I put on a movie for them and thought I'd look at my online account through IHC just in case, before I tried for another snooze.  

My results were already posted! I was in the normal range (just barely) after 1 hour, high (which is bad) after 2 hours and normal after 3 hours. It's okay if one result is over; gestational diabetes is usually diagnosed when 2 or more come back high. So I think I passed! Now I just have to wait to see what my doctor says about it! She might still have me watch my diet a little since the first result was so close, but I don't think she'll make me test at home with the finger prick tests. I'm glad things are looking up...I didn't want a repeat of Wednesday's emotional breakdown (but that's pregnancy hormones for you)!

I Failed My Glucose Test...

I am probably more upset about this than I should be, but I failed my glucose tolerance test. They called me with the results just before noon, I texted Ryan and then I cried for 30 minutes.

The normal glucose range is between 41 and 139. Mine has tested on the high end of that since my first urinalysis. I took the 1-hour blood test for the first time back in November so that if it came back high we could tackle the problem early on. In November my first glucose blood test came back at 126, which is still in the normal range. This time my test came back with a glucose level of 146.

Now I have to take a three hour glucose test. For this one I have to fast for 8-14 hours, so the nurse recommended going in first thing in the morning. They will draw my blood when I get there, then give me a super sugary drink which I will have ten minutes to drink. After that I will have 3 more blood draws, one every hour. The worst part about this test (besides the extreme hunger I will likely feel) is that I have to hang out at the hospital for three hours. I will have to bring my laptop and a book with me so that hopefully I don't get too bored.

I am not afraid of needles (I've had to take enough shots in the last year), but four blood tests within a few hours is a little intimidating. I am scared of what my arms might look like after! I have small, deep veins that tend to roll and I usually end up bruised. It is common for the person drawing my blood to have to poke me several times to get a vein and they almost always end up needing to use a butterfly needle (for better control). I have even had nurses go get another nurse (someone who is "a pro" with hard draws) after several unsuccessful attempts. I still have a bruise healing from my blood draw on Friday....hopefully when I go in for this next test they can assign me to their best blood drawer!

Blood Test Bruise...Day 4

If two or more of these tests come back high then that means I have gestational diabetes and my normal pregnancy will be then be considered high risk. I will be more likely to go into labor early (preterm), more likely to end up needing a c-section will be at a higher risk of developing gestational diabetes in future pregnancies. Our baby will be more likely to be bigger (hence the risk of c-section, as bigger babies are more likely to get stuck in the birth canal), be at a higher risk of having blood sugar or respiratory problems (common in preterm babies) and be more likely to develop type 2 diabetes himself later in life.

All of this has me totally freaked out even though I know that many women with gestational diabetes still have normal, healthy pregnancies, deliveries and babies. If I have gestational diabetes I will have to be careful about what I eat and test my blood several times a day (and possibly need insulin injections, but that is not very common) throughout my pregnancy, then have another glucose test after the baby is born to make sure everything has returned to normal. I know two women who have had gestational diabetes and have healthy babies (although now I am wishing I asked them more questions...like if their babies were born early or big and if they needed a c-section or not).

I know I am probably freaking out too soon--this test might come back normal and then I will not have to worry about it. I know I might be making a bigger deal about this than it actually is, and maybe it's just pregnancy hormones, but I am really upset about this. It's hard not to feel betrayed by my body once again, because if I had been able to get pregnant at a younger age I might not have had to worry about this. As a result of my bad mood, I have lost all motivation to get anything done today! Thank goodness for text messaging and blogging: both make it so I can share my crappy news without actually having to talk to anyone about it. Apparently my anxiety is exciting to the baby though (or maybe he's trying to cheer me up because he knows baby kicks make me smile)...he's moving around like crazy right now!

My Week

I had an eventful week, full of little milestones! It started on high point with a birthday party for our now 10-year-old niece on Sunday...
...and crashed today with the death of my laptop. Major bummer...I was pretty upset (I cried a little) when I realized it was not going to turn back on after shutting down unexpectedly (I have an appointment at the Apple Store on Monday-wish me and my MacBook luck). Back to all the good things that happened this week though.

Wednesday: I hit the 27 week mark! I am finally getting to the end of my second and entering my third trimester! This belly is about to get huge! Which means getting out of bed is going to get even harder and I will have to deal with being extra uncomfortable on top of my insomnia.

My growing bump: Sunday, Wednesday and Thursday

Thursday: January 29. In exactly 3 months our baby is due! I cannot wait for April!

Friday: Another appointment with our baby doctor! I don't know why, but I so look forward to these appointments! Maybe it is because each one brings us one month closer to meeting out little guy face to face. Everything is still looking good: normal blood pressure, I gained 7 pounds this month (more than I hoped, but she said most patients have a little extra jump in weight around this time) and I'm measuring at 29 weeks, which is a week and a half ahead of where I am. This explains my exhaustion: our baby has been growing a lot! I also got the DTAP vaccine and took the glucose test (again).

I go back in three weeks, then start going in for appointments every two weeks. We even get another ultrasound at 36 weeks (still 9 weeks away, but exciting)! She also asked if we want an epidural (yes please!), if I planned to breastfeed (another yes) and if we had picked a pediatrician yet (no...which means I have some homework).

Some other fun things happened this week also: my baby shower is scheduled (March 7), I've collected addresses and I created a registry.

I also found a new way to save money on Amazon: I joined Amazon Mom. Anyone who joins between now and February 10 has a month to order a package of select Huggies diapers for 50% off (plus I think an additional 10-15% off for being an Amazon Mom member). I just bought my first package of 120 diapers for only $11! Once I figure out which diapers work best for us, I can subscribe to have diapers automatically delivered every month or two and get 20% off. I am sure there are more perks I will discover later, but for now I can save on diapers and wipes, and get a discount on items added to my registry.

I have been looking at baby items for a while now, so I did my registry the simple way: I moved everything from my Amazon wish list to my baby registry (I still plan to go to BuyBuyBaby and create another one for friends and family who prefer shopping in a store rather than online). A wonderful perk of doing my registry on Amazon is that 60 days before my due date, Amazon will notify me and I will be able to complete my registry purchases for 10-15% off (up to $500 off)! I can get that discount on any item on my registry for up to 90 days after the baby is born. So I have added EVERYTHING to the registry. I don't expect friends or family to buy the big stuff for us, but I want to get it for a discount so it's listed on there.

The rest of the week has consisted of cooking, naps and all the time I can get with Ryan (who has been working long hours). I have cooked dinner every night and taken a nap every afternoon; baby makes me tired! I'll have a few days of sheer exhaustion then a week of feeling pretty good. This kid is definitely growing and it wears mama out! He should be over 2 pounds and about 14-15 inches from head to toe by now-that's twice the size he was a month ago!

Baby Boy has active days and sleepy days (just like me...growing must wear him out too). Some days his movements feel gentle and more inward, other days he pokes and kicks like crazy to the point my stomach seems to be constantly moving (until I try to catch it on video or Ryan tries to feel...then he sits completely still). He likes to squeeze my bladder, bounce on my cervix and run his feet along the base of my ribs--it's the weirdest feeling. Sometimes he kicks just the right spot and makes me jump, then he'll press his foot in that uncomfortable spot until I push on him and make him move. My being short limits his space in there so when I sit down I think he gets a little squished and he really acts up. As uncomfortable as pregnancy is, feeling my baby moving in there makes it worth it!

Our baby boy is also at the point now where he can taste, hear and see light and dark (makes me want to hold a flashlight to my belly and see what he does!) I think his favorite food is going to be grapes; I eat grapes every day and they always taste SO good! I've always preferred the green ones, but for the last few months I have craved the red ones instead (the bigger the better). I need to start reading to him and playing some of my favorite soothing songs so when he's born those songs will be comforting to him (okay...I admit it...I made a baby playlist to listen to in the car).

Even if pregnancy gets more uncomfortable as time goes on and I get more anxious every day, it also gets so much more fun as he gets bigger and I feel him more! A couple of times I have felt what I think is his little foot and sometimes his head (could be his butt or a knee...I'm not really sure). I can't wait until I can feel my stomach and tell you what body part is what!