Reset and Reboot

It has been a long and busy week. I have had some emotional drama going on (which I will not get into, but rest assured that Ryan and I are fine), we are hosting a big family party this weekend for my grandpa's 80th birthday (which means cleaning, cooking and prepping for houseguests--but I love hosting parties, so really I am excited for it) and I start my hormone injections on Sunday--which mean our IVF break is almost over. I am excited to get started again, but it is also a bit daunting to start all over again.

I haven't been sleeping well for the past few weeks and have been dead tired by 9 or 10 o'clock every night this week (unusual for me..I'm typically more of a night owl). I wake up feeling sleepy then push myself to exercise to get my body moving. All I really want to do is go back to sleep. I haven't taken a nap in a while, but sometimes it sounds SO GOOD! I know slowing down and relaxing would probably be good for me, but I feel like the easiest way to keep my spirits up is to keep moving. But, I think that really sometimes I just need to stop and reset (who doesn't?)

The person who taught me that sometimes we need to reset? My 2-year-old niece! I babysat her two days a week from 9-4 for 4 months. Not long after lunch, she would stop being her sweet self and I would know it was naptime. Around 1, we would start quiet time, which consisted of us laying in my bed and me reading books of her choosing to her until she fell asleep. After her nap she would always wake up SO HAPPY! Sometimes I looked so forward to playing with her in her happy sweet mood that I would get bored waiting for her to wake up and go check on her every five minutes just waiting for her to stir! Plus she looks so sweet sleeping, who wouldn't want to go look at her!

Isn't she just precious?!!

I started napping occasionally with her on days that I felt particularly comfortable and relaxed laying beside her after reading our story books. I found out there is no better way to nap than next to a sweet little baby! I would lay there and daydream about the day I will get to cuddle with my own sweet little one someday! I had the added advantage of giving her back to her mom not long after naptime, leaving me plenty of time alone to accomplish anything around the house that needed to be done (a luxury moms don't have...though I still suggest making time to nap with your kids occasionally!) My favorite days were the days when I woke up with her because she would be so happy to find me still in the bed next to her!

How can this face not make you smile?!!

I used to feel guilty for doing nothing instead of doing things that needed to be done around the house, but I've learned that allowing myself to check out and take a break keeps my stress levels down and makes me happier in the long run. No matter what, I always feel better after a break like this-more peaceful and centered. If I fall asleep, then I get to have a nap...in that case I figure my body needed some shut down time to re-energize, just like my toddler niece needs every day. My point is, just sitting or laying in silence, eyes opened or closed, mind turned on or off, is actually healthy for me. 

Sometimes I just like to lay still in my quiet house and do nothing for a few minutes if I'm feeling particularly sad, hurt or stressed about something. Sometimes I shut off my brain and other times I just let my thoughts flow until I get lost in them. Sometimes I fall asleep and sometimes I gain the inspiration to get up and write. Sometimes I curl up on the couch and other times I stretch out in a warm, sunny place on the carpet. Either way I just lay there and enjoy the silence (and the quiet breathing of Saisha who is never far from me napping herself).

This is what she does all day

There are days when I look things up online about early pregnancy symptoms and IVF success rates until my eyes burn. I wear myself out wondering and researching; it starts to make me feel very stressed out. In the mentally exhausting game of infertility sometimes a few minutes of nothing is exactly what I need to relax so I can keep going! Plus, from what I hear from parents, this might be the last time in years that I will be able to have these nice relaxing breaks...so I figure I should treasure them and take advantage of that time while I have it (which is hopefully not for too much longer!)