Dealing with Stress and Taking Breaks

I have heard stories of couples who succumb to the stress of infertility and take a break from treatments. I think most couples who take breaks still hold out hope that a pregnancy will occur (I know I sometimes think about it even though I have been on birth control in between cycles to keep everything under control), but sometimes you need a break to stay sane. As far as stress is concerned, Ryan will tell you that since we started IVF I am less stressed about getting pregnant than I was when we were tracking cycles, taking Clomid or waiting to start IVF.

The worst time of our infertility for me was when I was tracking my cycles and doing ovulation predictor kits so we could try to time everything just right. For a couple weeks out of every month I peed on strips every morning waiting for the two pink lines that meant I was about to ovulate. I was a stress case about making sure we had sex at just the right time, but only every other day to make sure we got the best of Ryan's little swimmers. This might be too much information (sorry mom and dad), but you can see how infertility can suck the romance out of your sex life!

Every month I experienced the dreaded Two-Week-Wait where I wished and hoped and prayed that my period would not come and every month it came right on time. I used to cry when I saw blood on the toilet paper in the morning. Then, to make matters worse, I would have mind numbing cramps for the first few days, which I thought of as Mother Nature's way of shouting, "Screw you! Not this time, Charlotte!" After the bleeding stopped, I would start waiting for ovulation again so we could start over. After a couple years of this, the frustration of our failure to achieve a pregnancy really started to get to me. Once I started Clomid, it got worse. On Clomid I had hot flashes and throbbing, swollen breasts to add to the list of stress factors.

Once we found out how slim our chances of conceiving on our own were, I was so relieved. I was not doing something wrong this whole time. That was really when we started our first break. We had a plan to do IVF, but couldn't start quite yet. We had tests and procedures and I even a minor surgery, so it did not really feel like much of a break. On top of all that I was on Norethindrone, which made me gain weight no matter how hard I tried to stop it.

For me, our first real break started when we decided to wait until after the new year to do our first round of IVF and had finished all of the tests and procedures we needed to do beforehand. Ryan took a trip to Houston, Texas with my brother-in-law where they went to an NFL game and NASA in November and in December my sister and I went to San Francisco and Napa, California for sight seeing and a wine tour. We both had so much fun on our "last vacations before IVF." That part actually felt like a break. I was excited to start IVF, but fully enjoying my time before. We had great vacations and a great Christmas.

Once I scheduled our first cycle we ended up having more time to do fun stuff. I was not happy about it though. I was eager to get started so having another month to wait felt more like a frustrating delay than a break. However, our trip to Florida changed all that and we ended up having a great time and really relishing in the time we had on vacation as a twosome, for what we thought would be the last time. <Our Last Vacations Before Baby>

The most stressful part of IVF for me was the first cycle. The side effects of the hormones for the egg retrieval process were terrible plus I was borderline OHSS so I had take preventative steps for that. The biggest stressors though were the other things going on in my life. I was getting ready for the biggest project of the year for my graduate certificate course, my dad was moving out of state (I was helping by packing and moving small stuff and I supervised the movers) and my grandpa was dying (he passed away right before our embryo transfer). <A Bittersweet Week>

Looking back I realize how much I needed a break after our negative pregnancy test. I had so many emotional (and physical with the egg retrieval) things go on over that month. I ended up getting a longer break than I planned on because I had to have another Hysteroscopy. This break I did not really look at as a break and enjoy it as much as I should have. I think my biggest problem was that it was an unexpected break. It was cut short though (which I was grateful for) when the results of my procedure were better than expected. <Moving Forward>

This last break has really felt like a break. When I shared the new schedule I had so many friends tell me to just have fun this summer and be grateful for the time I have to feel normal during the nicest months of the year. That is just what I have done. Ryan and I have had hosted several family parties (I have several spring and summer birthdays in my family), my sister had a baby, we went to St. George for Father's Day, had the biggest 4th of July fireworks show we have ever had in our backyard, went to see our niece's dance recital and nephew's baseball championship games, created a beautiful garden with Ryan's sister and just relaxed. We cook on the barbeque and eat on the porch a couple of times a week and go for evening drives. We have really enjoyed just being together. We still have the Tim McGraw concert, a camping trip and Wicked to look forward to in the next few weeks. It has really been an unforgettable summer with only the good kinds of stress (like prepping for parties).

A Summer To Remember! 2014

Some little things I do that help keep my stress at bay:

• I created a playlist of songs that help me feel relaxed and I listen to the playlist in the car and at home (I also loaded some of my favorite classical pieces onto my phone for really stressful days)
• I exercise every morning for 45 minutes (lately I've been doing Zumba on our Kinect)
• I made a schedule and complete a couple chores around the house each day to stay caught up (a clean house makes me happy)
• I work in the garden a little every morning
• We have tried to see all of our nieces and nephews more and really appreciate the time we get with them
• I write posts for this blog :)

I am a very organized and scheduled person: I like to have a plan in place. I am always thinking ahead. Because of this I feel like IVF is perfect for me. IVF is all about schedules and timing. I do everything I am supposed to do when I am supposed to do it so there is never any of the added stress of wondering what I could have done different: timed things differently, taken different supplements, exercised more or less, etc. I feel very content with the plan we have in place. I also feel like I have the hang of this now. I know many couples have to try many times before they get pregnant or give up because of the stress and I am sure the more we try the more the stress will build.

As each cycle progresses I do get more anxious, but having changes in medications, doses and injection schedules helps break up the time between the start of a cycle and the embryo transfer. The most stressful time is the Two-Week-Wait between the embryo transfer and pregnancy test. Last time I stayed busy mediating as much as I could, which helped. A negative pregnancy test-after all the work leading up to it-is emotionally exhausting and requires some recovery time. Having a few weeks off is good for me even though right after the results I am always ready to jump right back in.

I just feel content with what we are doing and I think that helps keep my stress levels down. I look ahead but not too far. For the rest of our embryos (we have 5, if we need them all) I know what to expect. That makes it easier. Now that I have done it a couple of times I feel good about looking at the in between time as a nice little break to relax and just do whatever we want. If we run out of embryos and have to REALLY start over, then we will decide then if we need a longer break or if we want to dive back in or look into other options.

Overall, I have learned the value of taking a break. This has been a wonderful summer and I am thankful for that. I feel rejuvenated and relaxed starting this cycle. I hope our next break between treatments involves a pregnancy and a baby, but if not I am determined to keep a positive outlook and not give up. If I need to, I will stay positive by filling that time between cycles with fun and rewarding activities and quality time with my hubby!