A Week of Firsts

Tuesday, May 5 we brought Dean home from the hospital. It was so new, but so comfortable being at home as a little family of three. We had waited for so long for this baby to come into our lives and were thrilled to finally have him home. It made it feel real--this little baby boy was actually our baby boy!

The transition from taking care of only myself to also caring for a new baby was not as hard as I expected. At first I was not sure what to do. I admit that in the first week Dean was held pretty much all of the time. I had a hard time putting him down, plus Ryan's parents were still staying with us so between the four of us someone was always happy to hold our sleeping baby.

Sleeping was pretty much all he did too. He woke up to eat every few hours and would look at his surroundings in awe for a few minutes at a time, but mostly he just liked to nap. I expected to have this little baby that depended on me to feed him every two hours. I thought pregnancy was just the beginning of my sleepless nights. Dean slept four to six hour stretches at night from our first night home, which meant I only had to wake up to feed him once during the night. During the day he usually only woke up to eat every two to three hours. I worried a little, but at the same time I knew survival was a basic human instinct and this baby would wake up if he was hungry.

I actually appreciated the long stretches between feedings because my nipples were still so sore. I loved the bonding of breastfeeding and knew it was good for my son, but it was torture for me. I was putting teabags in my bra after feedings (the tannic acid in black tea has healing properties) and lathering up with lanolin ointment as often as I could. Nothing seemed to take away the pain though. I had to pump sometimes because I would get so engorged that it hurt. Dean would sometimes go so long between feedings I would be too full for him to latch on so I would pump a little before feeding him to make my boobs softer.

I also sometimes opted for a bottle; I would still have to pump in place of the feeding, but pumping did not hurt. This gave Ryan (and grandma and grandpa) a chance to feed little Dean and it gave me a break. Dean had his first bottle his second day home, which meant Ryan got the opportunity to feed his son for the first time. He enjoys feeding Dean, but we only give him bottles every now and then so it's something Ryan doesn't get to do very often. I wanted to make sure Dean would take a bottle so he wold not be dependent on me alone for food in the first year. I read contradicting information on how soon a bottle should be introduced and ultimately decided it would be best to introduce the bottle early to make sure he would take it. We have only offered bottles every once in a while; I use slow flow nipples and don't warm the milk too much just to make sure he still prefers to get it from the source! Just in the first week I built up quite the freezer supply of milk.

I was proud of my overabundant supply, but still could not wait for it to regulate so I would be more comfortable. I tried to pump as little as possible to tell my body to slow down on the milk production. That plan backfired and on day nine (which also happened to be Mother's Day) I ended up with mastitis: pain, red hot spots on my boobs, fever and chills. This meant I now had to keep my boobs as empty as possible, which meant frequent feedings or more pumping. Since Dean tends to prefer sleep over milk and often falls asleep during feedings and cannot be aroused no matter what tricks I try, pumping it was.

Let's backtrack a little first though, this first week was full of firsts for us as parents and for Dean! Some of them were little milestones that happened in the hospital: he sneezed for the first time on May 2 and had his first hiccups outside the womb on May 3. As he did while I was pregnant, he gets the hiccups about once a day now. It's fun to see it knowing what it felt like when he was inside me. He smiled for the first time on May 8, although I am pretty sure it was just an accident...or gas. I was smiling at him when it happened though, so I like to think that he was mimicking me.

Smiles from May 8 through May 21 (I wish I could catch better...I'm not quick enough with the camera!)

He even got to meet his aunt Kim and cousins Bailey and Dylan the day after we came home. Bailey was thrilled to have a new cousin and kept putting her hands out asking to hold him. She would also peek under the nursing cover to make sure he was okay whenever I fed him. Dylan was not so gentle...he stroked his cheek, which we thought was so sweet and cute until he smacked Dean in the face. Then he held his hand (awe--how sweet!) and tried to bend his fingers back. Dylan's not quite a year old yet, but in a few years I'm sure the two are going to be great friends!

Another first that first week home was our first outing. I was still nervous about him sitting in the backseat in his car seat by himself, so I rode in the backseat with Dean while Ryan's mom, Lynette drove (Ryan had to pick up Kenzie and Brinlee from school and then met us there). We did not go far...we took Dean to see his Aunt Amber and meet the rest of his cousins (except for the oldest who was not home) that did not come see him in the hospital. We also brought cupcakes and Lynette brought gifts for one of the boys who had just turned seven a few days earlier. Of all our little nephews, the 5-year-old was the most interested. He made sure to tell his brothers to wash their hands before they touched the baby and was excited to get to hold him. He even kept offering Dean his little Curious George stuffed animal.

A big first: Dean's first bath at home! He got this on Friday May 8 when he was a week old. He still had not lost his cord stub or his plastibell from his circumcision, so this was just a little sponge bath. Ryan put a space heater in the bathroom and closed the door about 15 minutes before to make sure the room was nice and warm, then Ryan, Lynette and I took little Dean up for his bath. We filled the bottom of his little tub with just enough water that we could dip the washcloth and I undressed our boy.

In the warmth of the bathroom Dean didn't even get mad about being naked! However he was very unhappy about the bath part and screamed the entire time. He especially hated having his hair washed and just to show me his displeasure he pooped all down the side of me when I had him in a football hold rinsing the soap out of his hair. I finished bathing him then helped Ryan towel him off while Lynette wiped Dean's runny yellow poo off my shirt and pants. We did not even try for a lotion rub down. This was probably the quickest bath ever. We both hated hearing him cry so much that I rushed through the bath and got him dressed as quickly as I could. Once he had a diaper and pajamas on he was perfectly happy again.

I must say I am impressed at his modesty: in every naked picture, he has his legs scrunched up so you can't see his little wee-wee

The next one was a big first for me: my first Mother's Day as a real mom! Mother's Day has always been a tough holiday for me because it celebrated the one thing I wished to be more than anything, but could not seem to achieve. This year I was the proud mom of a 9-day-old baby boy! As previously mentioned I woke up not feeling too great, but we had a big morning planned so I got dressed and fixed myself up in preparation for company. My aunt was in town to pick my grandma up and take her back home to Idaho, so we had my mom, sisters and their families, grandma, two aunts and one cousin over for brunch. It was our house or my aunt's house, but I felt more comfortable being home so I volunteered our house.

My mom came over early to put the muffins and fruit out and get the frozen quiches in the oven so that I would not have to do any work. She took one look at the giant red mark on one boob and the small red spot on the other and told me to call my doctor. Fortunately my doctor was the one on call for the day so she called in an antibiotic for me and Ryan had it picked up in less than an hour. My mom also made me pump myself empty after I fed Dean and told me to feed him (or pump) as often as possible for the next couple of days to help clear the infection. This was the last thing I wanted to hear when I was trying to get my supply to regulate!

Our Mother's Day brunch was a success: there was plenty of food and everyone seemed to have fun. I even got my first Mother's Day card as a new mom from my youngest sister, Kim. Just before everyone was getting ready to leave, Ryan took Kenzie to get the car washed and ended up taking her shopping with him then meeting up with Melissa at the mall. Once our company left I was on my own (Ryan's parents were there, but they were still downstairs). I did not feel so great. I did not even clean up after everyone left; I went straight upstairs with Dean and we took a little 2-hour nap.

While I was sleeping, Ryan came home and cleaned the whole kitchen. A while later his oldest sister, Tricia surprised us all by showing up unexpectedly to drop off a card for Lynette. Tricia loved on baby Dean and told us some fun stories about our niece's dance competition from the night before. It was fun to see her.

After she left, Ryan and I sat down at the table with his parents to open cards and presents. I got my first Mother's Day card made out to "Mommy"! Ryan's parents gave us a Willow Tree figurine of a mother, father and baby and Ryan's dad gave me and Lynette little blocks with words for Mother on them that he got for us at church that morning. Ryan gave his mom two bottles of perfume from us. Ryan gave me a card from him and another from Dean, and a necklace with two open hearts and a diamond in the middle that constantly moves and sparkles. I love everything: the gifts, the cards and the sweet messages! I had such a good first Mother's Day.

As always, when Lynette is around, we also took pictures to document my first Mother's Day and show off our sweet baby boy.  She even took a 3-generations picture of Ryan with his dad and Dean that turned out so sweet. Ryan is already such a good dad (although we are more than three weeks in and he has yet to change a diaper), always loving on Dean and cuddling him. I am so proud to be momma to this sweet boy of ours! I just can't get enough of him!

Newborn Pictures

The day before Dean turned 2 weeks old we took him to have newborn pictures taken. We had the pictures taken by the same woman who did our maternity photo shoot, Makira. She has a little home studio in her basement at her home in Eagle Mountain. She had lots of backdrops, props and even swaddles, diaper covers and hats.

She was wonderful with Dean and we got so many great shots of him. He was a perfect little model and basically slept through the whole thing, as babies are supposed to. Makira even complimented him saying that usually she feels like she's running out of time by the end, but with Dean she felt like she had to come up with extra ideas for poses and backdrops to fill the whole 90 minutes.

Really, the only purpose for this post is to show off pictures of our adorable boy, so here are some collages I made of the pictures from Dean's first photo shoot! It's going to be hard to pick just a few favorites for framing!

Once again, we need help...which ones do you like best?

Four Days in the Hospital

My four day stay in the hospital passed more quickly than I thought it would. Since Ryan's parents were staying at our house and could take care of Saisha, Ryan was able to stay at the hospital with me every night. We didn't watch any movies. I didn't pull my laptop out once. I turned the TV on maybe twice. We kept busy cuddling our new baby, receiving visitors, napping, going for short walks around the floor, and working with nurses and doctors who came by to check mine and baby's vitals, check my incision, ask questions, give me medication, and help me breastfeed.

First bath

Between groups of visitors on Friday (my mom was still there), a nurse from the nursery came to give Dean his first bath. This was also the first time I had stood up since surgery--I needed help standing up and had to hold onto the bed for support, but I managed with help from Ryan and my mom.

Dean couldn't have a real bath until the stub from his umbilical cord came off, so this was just a sponge bath. He hated it. He voiced his displeasure from the time his blanket came off until he was all clean and dressed in pajamas we brought from home for him. The nurse was quick, but gentle. All she did was strip him down, wipe him down and wash his hair. She instructed us as she went and even wrote the recommended water temperature range on the board in our room so we could make note of it. Washing his hair was the worst part...he hated having his head held under the faucet!

Breastfeeding

Friday morning while Ryan was home showering and changing my nurse helped me breastfeed. Breastfeeding was new to both me and Dean and it wasn't going well. He wasn't really latching on and when he did he didn't stay on long. It didn't help that I had no idea what I was doing.

My nurse was very motherly and so helpful! The first step was teaching Dean what to do. She hand expressed colostrum from my breast into a plastic spoon and then poured it into Dean's mouth. She would squeeze his cheeks to get him to swallow it and then repeat the process to feed him more. When it seemed like he had gotten swallowing down, she started pouring the colostrum into his mouth then immediately putting her gloves finger into his mouth to teach him to suck and help him relate the taste of the colostrum to the action of sucking. She also checked to make sure he didn't have a tongue tie or something that would make breastfeeding difficult.

She taught me the football hold and helped me position myself with a bunch of pillows to make the process as easy as possible. She worked with us off and on a couple times that day. Finally that night during our 2:30 am feeding Dean successfully latched on and sucked for a full 10 minutes! It felt like such a big accomplishment!

Unfortunately our trouble didn't end there. Within a day my nipples were so sore that I was practically in tears every time I fed him. I was getting little blood blisters. Another nurse felt in his mouth while he was feeding and said his latch seemed fine and he wasn't thrusting his tongue or anything like that so I should be feeling better once I got used to it. Another nurse gave me tea bags to put on my sore nipples after feeding because the tannic acid in black tea supposedly has healing properties. I was also using lanolin, but nothing seemed to help. (Unfortunately we are still struggling with this so I am using s nipple shield off and on as I heal and work with Dean to try and perfect his latch--which I have since determined is not so perfect).

Our baby lost 14 ounces in his first few days of life. Finally on Monday my milk started to come in. By that evening I was so full I was in pain, and our little baby just couldn't eat enough. So I sent Ryan to pick up my pump with the prescription from my doctor. When he got back I only managed to pump about an ounce of milk but that was enough to feel a little better. I was pretty proud of that ounce and sent it to be stored in the nursery until we left. Once Dean was eating my milk for a full 24 hours he gained 6 of those lost ounces back! By the time we left the hospital he was 7 lbs 7 oz.

Poop

One annoying thing about the hospital is that you have to keep track of everything! Every time I fed him I had to let the nurses know what time he ate and how long he fed on each side. They also tracked every diaper and whether it was wet or poopy. Dean was peeing and pooping like a champ. In fact the first diaper I changed in the hospital was not until Saturday night and it was a bad one (our fabulous nurses and nursery staff were so good at changing him I never got the chance...but I wasn't about to complain!)

Saturday night while Ryan was home watching a boxing match with his dad, Dean was extra fussy. I couldn't calm him down when he wasn't eating, but he wouldn't nurse for long either. So I was walking around the room bouncing him and trying to soothe him when suddenly he let out a huge belch followed by a long, loud wet fart that I felt rumble in his diaper. He immediately stopped fussing...until I had to change him, then the fussing started all over. I couldn't believe that amount of poop could come out of someone so small (it was still the nasty black, sticky meconium that babies poop for the first few days). Sucking on his fingers seemed to calm him somewhat, so I asked the nursery for a binky. We ended up not needing it that night but it did come in handy later.

Our poopy problems didn't end there. On Monday morning the nurses were concerned because Dean had not had a poopy diaper in over 24 hours. He was supposed to poop at least once a day. It was nearing noon and he had only wet diapers since 8 am on Sunday. My nurse called the charge nurse to voice her concerns and within 10 minutes the charge came walking into my room armed with a thermometer. I watched as she undressed my baby and proceeded to stick the thermometer up his butt while he cried (like he did every time you undressed him or changed his diaper). Her trick worked and in less than a minute, nasty black poop came oozing out. He stopped crying as soon as he was diapered and dressed again. I think the experience was more traumatic for me than it was for him.

Choking

The scariest part of our hospital stay was seeing our baby choking over and over. It happened the first time the very first day and would happen often throughout the day. He would be laying there content then suddenly he would gag, turn red and silently choke. We would rush to turn him on his side, pat his back and suction mucous out of his mouth with the blue suction bulb then he would be fine.

The pediatrician said that babies sometimes swallow stuff during birth and end up with mucous in their stomachs that their bodies take a few days to learn to digest. We were assured that it would stop on its own. It was still so scary because he usually didn't make a sound--he would just suddenly be gagging and his face would turn red.

It scared us enough that we did not feel comfortable sleeping with Dean in our room so we sent him to the nursery at night. I was afraid he would choke while we were sleeping and we wouldn't wake up--especially with how sleepy the pain killers made me. Every two to three hours the nurses would bring him in for me to feed him and then I would soothe him back to sleep then call to have them take him back to the nursery until it was time for his next feeding. Typically he would have two choking spells while in the nursery between each feeding so I knew we were doing the right thing having him sleep in there.

On Sunday night one of the nurses offered to have his stomach suctioned out to see if that helped. After 3 days of dealing with him silently choking I was all for it. I sent him off to the nursery where they put a catheter down his throat and suctioned out the mucous. I didn't even want to imagine how upset this was making him! I tried to focus on the good it was going to do: no more gagging on mucous. They brought him back about 10 minutes later. The nurse said they had only suctioned out about 6 ounces of mucous. I wonder if I misunderstood her. I couldn't believe they got so much-he didn't even eat 6 ounces at a time-that sounded like a lot to me!

I fed him and he seemed perfectly fine, but after he spit up. In fact he spit up after every feeding that night. If was probably because his little tummy was irritated from the suctioning. The food new was though that he didn't gag or choke again that night or at all the next day. He didn't spit up much the next day either. Suctioning out all that mucous had worked. On Monday night I even felt comfortable letting him sleep in our room, and we both felt so much better about taking him home on Tuesday!

Doctors and vitals checks

Every morning bright and early between 5 and 6 doctors would start checking in on me. Usually 2 residents and then one of my doctor's partners would come by just before breakfast (my doctor had the weekend off so we didn't see her again until Tuesday morning). They all always asked the same questions: how was my pain? Was I getting up and walking? Was I passing gas? Peeing? Pooping? Then they would check my incision and go on to their next patient. It got a little repetitive, but I had given permission for students and residents to check me and shadow my doctors...I wanted to aid in the learning process, but I wish they could have all come at the same time--and after the sun was up!

My nurses also checked my blood sugar several times for the first couple days (normal every time, thankfully), and my vitals (heart rate, temperature and blood pressure) every time there was a shift change, which was usually at 7 am and 7 pm, but sometimes there was a middle shift change at 3 pm too. This wasn't too bad.

Dean, however, had a vitals check every two hours. They would take his temperature under his arm, which he hated, and listen to his heartbeat. I would've been fine with it if it didn't wake him up almost every time! Once a night they also took him to the nursery to be weighed and for the first few days they would prick his heel to check his blood sugar twice a day--at one point the poor little guy had 3 little round band aids on one heel! He screamed during weigh-ins, again, my kid does not like to be naked and cold-but did pretty good with all those heel pricks. Fortunately his blood sugars were all normal so he only had to endure that for a couple days.

Visitors and Passing Time

We had visitors every day. The first day there it was mostly my family: my parents, my sister and her kids, and my great aunt and uncle who had so patiently waited for hours in the waiting room while I was in labor. My youngest sister graduated from college that morning so after her graduation all of my family started filing in. The only one who didn't come was my youngest sister. She called and said she would rather wait until we got home so she wouldn't have to bring her young kids to the hospital and worry about keeping them out of things--especially her rambunctious almost one year old who is crawling and into everything. I was still tired and a little groggy from the pain medicine so the whole afternoon kind of rushed by in a blur for me.

My mom was the only one still there, and was about to leave when she found out her sister was on her way with my cousin and grandma, so she waited to see them. My best friend showed up with my favorite dessert: tiramisu. It was a welcomed treat now that I could eat sugar again! Around the same time, my aunt, cousin and grandma came to meet Dean.

That evening after everyone left, the nurse finally took my catheter and IV out. Just in case there were complications and I needed to go back into surgery or something they had to leave both in for 16 hours post op. I was actually looking forward to being able to pee like a normal person again!

My nurse helped me get up to walk (just to the bathroom and back to bed). I could feel my legs fine but when I walked they felt like jelly--weak and unsteady. The nurse helped me to the bathroom and showed me how to take care of myself with the bleeding I would have for the next few weeks. She also helped me change into a fresh gown.

On Saturday we were expecting several visitors but most decided to come Sunday instead so we had a free day to just relax as a little family on our own. Ryan went home first thing in the morning to shower and change his clothes. When Ryan got back, we walked Dean to the nursery so Ryan could help me take my first shower post-op. It felt so good to be clean! I put on my own pajama pants and a nursing tank top. I even did my hair and makeup so I could feel fresh and ready. We did get one group of visitors: Ryan's oldest sister and her husband and kids came by to meet Dean. They all got a chance to hold him and we filled them in on the details of the my delivery.

That night Ryan had plans to watch a big boxing match on pay-per-view with his dad. Originally we thought we'd be home by then, but because of the complications with delivery and my c-section we were in the hospital longer than planned. Shortly after my mom showed up with my nieces, Kenzie and Brinlee, Ryan left to go watch the fight. They went for a walk around the maternity floor with me and stayed for about an hour after Ryan left. I spent the rest of the night snapping pictures of and napping with my new baby boy. Ryan wanted me to wait to send him to the nursery until he got back so he could spend some time with him first.

On Sunday, Ryan's dad stopped by to see his new grandson first thing in the morning. He didn't stay long, but he would get lots of snuggle time in later once we were home. Ryan's sister also came by with her husband and two of their six boys. They took turns holding their new nephew and cousin while Ryan snapped pictures. Next came Ryan's cousin and his family. They drove all the way from Logan to visit us! Their little girls just adored baby Dean. It was fun to see them all. Their baby is close to a year old and looked huge next to Dean--it's hard to believe he's going to be that big someday!

They left when my aunt, grandma and cousin showed up. I was glad my grandma got the chance to visit a couple times; she lives in Idaho and doesn't get to see us much. She and my aunt took turns holding Dean and grandma told me how grateful she was that we have Dean my grandpa's name for his middle name (actually William is both of my grandpas' names). Later that day Ryan's mom came to the hospital as soon as she got back into town from St. George (she had driven home the night Dean was born to take Ryan's sister to the airport in Las Vegas). She held her grandson for a while and walked down to the cafeteria to get dinner with Ryan when my dinner arrived.

Monday the visitors slowed down. I think our moms were about the only ones who came by. I was distracted by my full aching boobs! Both moms were there when I was pumping for the first time, cheering me on. Ryan and I got to have our congratulatory dinner from the hospital that night (I had steak, he had salmon) and his mom got dinner in the cafeteria again. I don't remember much about the visit. Ryan and his mom left around seven to go watch the Rockets basketball game at home and my mom left not long after (she had come straight from work and had not been home yet). I spent my second night alone watching TV and cuddling my baby. Ryan got back before bedtime and got in some cuddles of his own.

That night we planned to send Dean to the nursery, but I ended up keeping him in our room. I woke up Tuesday morning feeling better about taking him home after a successful night sleeping in the same room! Tuesday brought some new experiences.

Checking out

I was sad to leave the hospital (I actually enjoyed my stay) and excited to get home and adapt to life with a new baby. That morning we turned in paperwork for Dean's birth certificate and social security card. Dean and I had our last vitals checks. A nurse went over all kinds of instructions and tips for caring for a new baby, including when to call a doctor. She also went over my discharge instructions, telling me what I could and couldn't do, for how long and, again, when to call the doctor. I was told I couldn't lift anything heavier than my baby for SIX WEEKS! She made sure I had an abdominal binder, got me some extra pads to take home and gave us a goody bag (a simple diaper bag) with a bunch of coupons, some ice packs and a small bottle cooler. My doctor came by to check on me and see how Dean was doing. A nurse took out my staples and replaced them with sterile strips to protect the healing incision for a little longer. The pharmacy delivered my medications to take home.

Then came the pediatrician. She checked Dean out earlier in the morning then came back to take him to get circumcised. Ryan went with him for comfort while I stayed and packed up our room. Poor little Dean was stripped naked, strapped to a board and given a binky with some sweet syrup on it to distract him from what was about to happen. Ryan was there to touch his tummy and head in an attempt to soothe him. He said he only cried for a minute, but it was a terrible sad cry! He seemed fine when they brought him back to our room. I nursed him for extra comfort while Ryan made several trips taking all of our stuff down to the car (somehow our stuff multiplied during our stay!)

I dressed Dean in the pajamas I had bought right after our first embryo transfer more than a year earlier. I had bought them with the intention of dressing our new baby in them to take him or her home from the hospital someday...someday was finally here! Finally a nurse helped us buckle Dean into his car seat for the first time, and then walked us down to the car and made sure the car seat base was installed correctly. I climbed into the front seat and changed my mind almost immediately, getting back out of the car and getting in the back with Dean. I couldn't let him ride all the way home facing backwards where we couldn't see him and make sure he was okay! He looked so squished and tiny in that big car seat. Before noon we were on our way home to start our new life as parents!

Although I was happy to go home there are some things I miss about our hospital stay:

The Service: nurses brought me everything: my baby, medications, fresh water...all I had to do was push a button and ask and someone was there to wait on me. They even take your baby to the nursery when you need some sleep and change his diapers whenever he needs a fresh one. It was like staying in a hotel, but the room wasn't as nice and the service was better.

The Food: I was brought three meals and a nightly snack every day. With breakfast I got a menu to check off my selections for the next 3 meals: everything from the main dish to sides and choice of drink. I even got dessert with every lunch and dinner--the chocolate mousse was my favorite and I had it with both lunch and dinner almost every day. I also like these rolls they had and chose those too whenever I had the option. The food was great and there was such a variety that everything at home just seems boring now.

The Hospital Bed: after having my stomach cut open, a bed that would sit me up with the touch of a button was just what I needed. I also miss the rails on the side of the bed--I could use those at home to help pull myself out of bed.

The Clear Bassinet: I loved being able to lay in bed and and just turn my head to see through the clear plastic and watch my baby sleep! It was also so handy being able to wheel him anywhere we needed to go!

When We Became Mommy and Daddy

On Wednesday April 29 we woke up knowing we had gotten our last full night of sleep we would get in a while. The next time we slept at home in our bed we would have our baby boy there with us. Ryan's parents, brother, sister, niece and nephew had been staying with us since Friday as we all eagerly awaited the arrival of our baby boy, but he did not come early like we had hoped he would. Now my due date had arrived and we were anxiously waiting for 5:00 pm to come because that is the earliest that the hospital had said to expect a call telling us to go in for me to be induced.

Wednesday, April 29, 2015, 40 weeks

Ryan and I took our time getting ready and then went shoe shopping (he needed new tennis shoes and I just wanted new shoes). When we got home I went to Walmart with Ryan's mom and sister to grab a few things and kill some time. Five came and went and finally it was 7:00 pm. I was told to call at seven if I had not heard anything. I called and did not get the news I wanted: labor and delivery was slammed. In fact they were so busy that they had not even gotten to all the inductions for the day. I was told I was the first on their induction list for the night so as soon as a bed opened up I would get a call. If I did not hear anything by six the next morning, I was instructed to call back. How was I going to sleep?! We did what we could to stay entertained. We watched a movie (The Imitation Game) and finally decided to try and get some sleep at 12:30 am.

On April 30 after an hour of sleep my phone rang at 1:30 in the morning; it was time for us to go into the hospital. We got there around 2:15 am, got checked in and settled into our room then a nurse came and hooked me up to monitors, got my medical history, asked about what I wanted to happen during labor and delivery (epidural, skin to skin, etc), drew some blood and got my IV in. Instead of the balloon for cervical ripening my doctor had ordered a prostaglandin suppository pill to soften my cervix instead. I was still dilated just to a 1 and 80% effaced. By 3:45 am we were left alone to sleep-easier said than done-and wait for the pill to work its magic.

Just after getting to the hospital...before I knew what I was in for!

Ryan slept and I catnapped until another nurse came in to check my progress at 7:30. I had made no progress. So she doubled my next dose of prostaglandin at 8:30, then we were left to wait 2 more hours. Shortly after that I ate what would be my last meal in about 24 hours.

At 10:30 I still had not made any progress, so next my doctor had ordered a Foley balloon to be placed in my cervix to help me dilate more naturally. But my water broke while nurse was checking me so they couldn't do the balloon. My contractions had gotten bad between 10-10:30 and I was afraid how bad they might get in the next 30 minutes, so I asked for epidural. I considered eating one more time, but the contractions were bad enough that I had no appetite.

Getting the epidural was not as bad as I thought it might be. By 11:15 the epidural was in and my legs were starting to go numb. I would spend the next sixteen hours turning from one side to the other every hour to make sure the epidural worked evenly on both sides. For the next few hours I tried to get little naps in whenever I could, knowing that I had a lot of work ahead of me.

Epidural going in (the needle in my back)

 An hour later I was dilated to a three and 100% effaced! It was around this time that both of our moms arrived to wait with us. The nurse started a low dose pitocin drip to speed things along! At 2:00 pm the nurse checked me again: I was now dilated to 4. Our baby was also fully engaged, meaning he was staying put and not going back up when she felt his head. So we continued to wait.

Around 3:00 pm the contractions were getting much more intense--bad enough that i pushed epidural button (to give an extra kick of medicine) twice. The contractions were doing some good though: when I was checked at 4:30 I was dilated to an eight! Baby was at station zero, which meant he just had two more cm to drop into the birth canal (makes pushing easier and faster) and I had two more centimeters to dilate. Everyone kept telling me it wouldn't much longer now before it would be time to push. It was around this time that my great aunt and uncle showed up at the hospital to wait in the waiting room for baby's arrival. A short time later I started feeling pretty intense back pain so I pushed epidural button again. An hour and a half later I was dilated to a nine and the baby was at station plus one. At station plus two he would be far enough down in the birth canal to start pushing.

Things did not progress as fast as everyone thought they would though. At 8:00 pm the nurse (our 3rd one since we got there) could still feel a little cervix on one side so she upped my pitocin drip to two. At 9:00: still some cervix, so she upped my pitocin to three. I think it was around this time my dad showed up and my great aunt and uncle decided to leave. They were so sweet to have waited so long! Now that my dad was there, they figured he could take over. We were all surprised that I was not progressing faster. At 9:30 pm my nurse took the pitocin to four. At this point they also put me on oxygen to help the baby. It did seem to make a difference in both his dropping heart rate and its recovery between contractions. At 10:00: still some cervix! It also felt like baby's head was slightly turned to one side so the nurse had a resident come check also. It was the same story til 11:00 pm when they upped the pitocin to six.

Then they decided to let me "rest" for 45 minutes in hopes that my body would do the work and move baby down further into the birth canal and clear my cervix. Ryan went out to the waiting room to update my dad and he decided that since he lived so close and it sounded like it would still be a while that he would go home and wait for our phone call.

The contractions got more intense and felt like they were back to back. The pressure made them so painful that I just laid there with my eyes closed waiting for it to end--I can't imagine how bad the pain would have been without the epidural. I was afraid to push the epidural button again for an extra boost because the baby's heart rate was dropping at the end of each contraction, then going back up. Since it was returning to normal between contractions the nurse said it wasn't too concerning, but I was afraid changing anything would slow progression or make the baby's heart rate drop more. Plus the nurse (who was pregnant herself) assured me that the pain was a result of the pressure and I would feel some relief once I was allowed to push (and she was right). On top of the pain the oxygen mask was uncomfortable and the constant air flow dried out my mouth and throat, and air leaked through the top of the mask, drying out my eyes.

Baby's heart rate is the red line, my contractions are the blue

Finally at midnight I was fully dilated so they had me start pushing to see if that moved our baby down. I pushed for an hour and a half with Ryan to my left, my mom to my right, Ryan's mom near my head and the nurse at the foot of the bed cheering me on. Every time I pushed through a contraction the baby's heart rate would drop very low. They only had me pushing every other contraction because it was taking so long for his heart rate to go back up to where it should be. He also was not moving down further into the birth canal.

My doctor came in and felt him through a few contractions. She said he was coming down but then going back up. She said at this point it didn't look good and she recommended a c-section. With how slow I progressed and the fact that the baby was not coming down with all that pushing she suspected something was wrong like maybe the cord was around his neck. She could use forceps to pull him past my pelvic bone and help him along if I wanted to keep trying, but she really felt a c-section was the best option for baby.

We agreed and the anesthesiologist came to administer the drug that would completely numb me from the rib cage down. It was the strangest feeling. The drug made me shake uncontrollably. I was so exhausted at this point (I was going on an hour of sleep in 41 hours) that I was fighting to keep my eyes open. At 1:30 am on May 1, they were wheeling me into the operating room.

I told the anesthesiologist I wished I could watch and he said, "Let me see what I can do." Minutes later he walked back in with a mirror on a stand with wheels. He positioned it above my head so I could see what was happening just as they were about to get started. It was actually really neat to watch. It was somewhat surreal: I could see my abdomen being cut open above me, but my body was on the other side of the curtain below my chin and I could not feel anything, so it almost seemed like I was not watching this happen to me. I kept moving my feet to watch them in th mirror and remind myself it was me. Even though I couldn't feel anything I remember I could still move my feet.

I was especially glad I had the mirror when they pulled my baby out of my belly at 1:45 am. The reason for my trouble during labor was immediately obvious: the umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck twice, which meant every time I pushed on a contraction he was moving down, tightening the cord around his neck and cutting off his circulation. He was perfect: perfect color, perfect cry, despite the cord around his neck. I started crying the second I saw him which only contributed more to my involuntary shaking. They immediately unwound the cord from his little neck and passed him off to the NICU staff. Finally, now that my baby was out, the anesthesiologist removed the oxygen mask; I was so thirsty I could hardly swallow.

Resident training under our doctor holding baby Dean just after birth

Ryan followed our new baby boy and watched as they checked him out and weighed him while I watched doctors pull my ball of a pink uterus from my body, scoop out the placenta out of it and then soak up blood with rags. They then proceeded to inspect my uterus for abnormalities. They pointed out two fibroids, one of which I already knew about; they couldn't remove them because they were worried about too much blood loss.

Ryan came over by my head holding our son as doctors stitched up my uterus and placed it back in my abdomen. Ryan held our perfect baby boy where I could see him for a few minutes then sat down behind my head. Our baby was a healthy 7 lbs 15 oz and 21.5 inches long. I had been saying I thought he was going to be long, but everyone just thought he felt long to me because I am so small, but it turned out I was right. He also has long skinny fingers and feet.

At this point the feeling of relief allowed my body to give way to the exhaustion. I let my eyes close telling myself I would just rest for a minute. I did not see them stitch me up, or put the staples in, although I remember them saying something about staples. When I came to again the mirror was gone. At some point the anesthesiologist took a picture of Ryan and our new baby next to my head. I just remember looking back at the camera and trying my best not to let my eyes close.

First Family Photo

After only about 20 minutes I was stitched and stapled back together and they were taking us back to the delivery room where our moms were waiting. Before wheeling us out of the operating room, someone placed our sweet baby in the crook of my arm so I could hold him for the first time. I stared at his adorable little face all the way to the room. The anesthesiologist even told our waiting moms to make sure they did not take our baby too fast because I had just gotten him. Then he gave me some bad news: I was not allowed to eat or drink anything (other than three ice chips an hour-which I was instructed not to chew) for another EIGHT hours because of the risk of nausea: they did not want me getting sick with all the stitches and staples in my abdomen.

My sweet baby boy

 So much about the rest of the night is just a blur. I was so tired that I felt like I was in a daze. I talked to my dad on the phone for a while and asked everyone to text other friends and family the news of the birth of our son, who we named Dean William (after our grandpas). Ryan's dad, brother and sister came to see us and say hi to the new addition to our family. Ryan's mom, brother and sister left from the hospital at 3:30 am to drive back to St. George because his sister and her two kids had to be in Las Vegas that afternoon to catch their flight home to Oklahoma. At some point I got to have skin to skin time with baby Dean. The nurse also had me try to breastfeed, which was much more challenging than I expected (it would be another day before I knew what I was doing and Dean picked up on it).

With Aunt Mandy and Uncle Russ, Grandma Vicki, and Grandma and Grandpa Madsen

I don't know what time it was when we got to the room we would call home for the next four days. I think it was around 4:00 am. Ryan was so tired that he did not have the energy to go with Dean to the nursery to get a couple shots and get his vitals and stats checked. At some point they brought him back into us and I slept until a nurse brought me some water and crackers. She said if my stomach handled those okay then she saw no reason why I could not eat breakfast. Around 7:30 I ate the best breakfast I had ever tasted in my life (french toast, sausage, fruit, Rice Chex cereal and milk)--I don't think I have ever been so hungry!

Our plans continued to change: instead of going home on Saturday or Sunday, we found out we would be in the hospital until Tuesday. Nothing had really gone as planned though so at this point I was fine doing whatever I was told we should do! We had planned to have a vaginal delivery, delay cord clamping so the baby gets those last few good pulses of nutrients, Ryan was going to cut the cord and then we were going to do something the hospital calls the sacred hour, which is where the doctor places the baby on mommy's tummy while he is cleaned off and syringed then they place baby on mommy's bare chest for an hour of skin to skin contact. It's supposed to be very healthy for baby in attachment and beneficial to breastfeeding.

We didn't really get to do any of our plan. Since I had to have a C-section the doctor cut the cord. Because the cord was around baby's neck and his heart rate had dropped so much during labor, there was no time for delayed cord clamping; our baby was handed off quickly to the NICU staff to be checked and evaluated to make sure he was okay. Ryan was able to be with me the whole time and watch. When they were done, they handed baby Dean to him to hold first while he waited for me to get stitched up. I am so glad that Ryan got that time with his son right away--I still remember looking back at him staring down at the tiny baby in his arms with so much love. Twenty minutes later when I was stitched and done I finally got to hold my new son on my chest while they wheeled me down the hall. Then I got my skin to skin time.

Even though nothing went according to plan, we still had a really neat experience and our baby was born healthy and perfect! If we had stuck to our plan that wouldn't have been the case--the outcome could have been tragic. Our baby Dean was born healthy and really that is what's important-- how he made his entrance doesn't even matter now. Sometimes plans change and we need to be reminded that we're not the ones in control of every situation. Even when nothing goes according to our plans, things can still work out for the best in the end. Dean is my proof of that! I have the most perfect gift ever and have never felt as much love for anyone as I do for my little family now.