I feel like some of my friends and family have forgotten what their lives were like way back when they had their first baby. It doesn't happen all the time, but I've noticed sometimes when I'm going through something new or difficult as a first time parent, other parents in my life brush it off like I have it easy because I just have the one baby. Maybe it seems that way to them, but for me this is all new. I'm experiencing every milestone and challenge for the first time because Dean is my first baby--I've never done this before. I watch parents of 3, 4, 5, 6 kids and wonder how in the world they do it. I'm not saying my struggles are harder or easier than anyone else's, just that I still have struggles too.
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| My World |
A hard day for me may seem like small potatoes to some, but for me it's a challenge and sometimes I need a listening ear and an understanding friend to tell me I'm not alone--especially with all of the perfect images of mothering I see online every day. Instead I often am made to feel inadequate because something that seems big to me is no longer a big deal in their life so they just brush it off like my struggle is nothing. That makes me feel like I should be handling whatever the situation is better or like maybe I'm doing something wrong. Why does this feel like a struggle to me but it comes easy to them? I'm constantly telling myself that I'm sure they struggled when they went through this experience, whatever it may be, for the first time, but it would be nice to hear that that's the truth every now and then.
Lately my perfect sleeping-through-the-night baby has not been sleeping so well. Some nights he wakes up every 1-2 hours. On a good night I get 5-6 straight hours of sleep. He used to go back to sleep with a little comfort (like my hand on the side of his face) and his binky, but now he just cries harder and harder until I pick him up. Then he calms down a little and freaks out again until I nurse him. The result: I spend half my night nursing my baby. While doing so I sometimes drift in and out of a light sleep, but I wake up in the morning feeling far from refreshed. I can usually put him back in his bassinet once he falls back asleep until he wakes up around 4 or 5...after that feeding, it always seems that the slightest movement wakes him. So I gently roll him off of me, or roll myself away from him, and there we sleep, next to each other in my bed...where I can't move or roll over for the rest of the night.
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| He sleeps GREAT in mommy and daddy's bed! |
Not too long ago I would have been perfectly comfortable to sleep all night cuddling with a sleeping baby (and I still love it for a short time), but pregnancy ruined my body. My lower back often hurts in the morning, when I lean forward (sitting to fold laundry kills me) or when I stay in the same position for too long, and my hips ache after sleeping on one side for an hour or two so I have to switch sides throughout the night. I do love cuddling with my sweet boy, but when I wake up tired and sore it's easy to get overwhelmed when my day doesn't go as planned or when Dean has a particularly fussy day and I'm not able to get everything I need done.
Overall I feel like I've adapted to being a mom pretty well...my life looks much the same, just busier, messier, sleepier and with less me time. I still keep up on the laundry pretty well and cook dinner almost as often as I used to (although most meals are simpler), my dishes are almost always done before bed, my hair and makeup are done every day and I get all of my errands run (although not always in one day or on the day I plan). Now I just have a little person to keep me company while I cook, clean, shower, shop...anything I do! Sometimes that little person is cute and happy and sometimes he isn't so happy to watch me work...he especially does not like to wait for me to shower and usually ends up fussy (sometimes screaming) before I am done. I do miss dinner and movie dates with Ryan (which have become very infrequent) and long hot baths, but we have a Redbox down the street and I still manage to shower regularly, so I guess it's okay.
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| He really is the cutest! |
I feel like I'm doing well and succeeding at this mom thing until I mention I'm feeling tired or overwhelmed and am met with a response implying that my life is so easy so why am I complaining, or response of "just wait til he is crawling, walking, talking..." and then I'll know what hard is. I know things are going to change as Dean gets older, and my challenges will be different and maybe even harder. I look forward to watching him learn and grow almost as much as I dread it--it's hard seeing him grow up so fast. I also know that I do have a pretty good life: I am incredibly lucky to be able to stay home with our son every day and I really do love and appreciate that I have that opportunity, but can't I still have a bad day every once in a while?
I don't ever complain about my life as a whole, I just feel down sometimes and have days when nothing goes as planned, I have taken on more than I can handle or Ryan and I aren't getting along (yes, we fight sometimes). Those days are few, but they happen. I just would like a little validation and understanding; I'd like for my feelings to be recognized not dismissed. Sometimes I need to vent about things, small as they may be in the grand scheme of things, a teething, sick or just plain grumpy baby are all things that at this time are a big deal to me. I'm pretty lucky because Dean definitely laughs more than he cries, but I hate more than anything to see or hear my baby cry, so him being upset and me not being able to make it better is a really big deal to me. Fights over petty things with my husband are a big deal to me at that time even if they seem silly looking back later.
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| Even cute when he's grumpy |
Those with infertility go through all different challenges, whether it be medical conditions, miscarriages, secondary infertility or just plain not getting pregnant. Treatment options vary from medication to invasive procedures. I've said before that nobody should judge or rate another person's infertility in relation to their own because it's all emotionally trying and painful no matter what you're experiencing. It's the same with life: we all have our bad days and our challenging days. Each of those challenges is difficult in its own way and we all struggle at times in our lives. I wish everyone could recognize that we all feel pain and stress differently but everyone struggles with something just the same. Those struggles are real and life is sometimes hard. We all feel like we are being pushed to our limit at times; what that limit is is different for everyone. Don't put someone down for their struggles just because you feel like they don't compare to your own because I guarantee someone somewhere in the world has it even worse than you do. Listen, be understanding and remember that if you want a friend to be there when you're struggling, feeling overwhelmed or facing challenges yourself, you need to be there when they are.
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| Our Little Hunk (Those EYES!) |
