After visiting our new found RE, Dr. Moore for the first time, I had a million thoughts swirling around in my head. I decided that maybe that would be a good time to start writing in a journal (I wish I had kept up with it a little better.) The following are parts of my first journal entry after that appointment (I left out details that I already wrote about in my last post):
July, 15, 2013
"Ryan and I have been trying to get pregnant for 26 months now with no luck. I have even started to feel jealous of other women who have miscarriages because at least they know they can get pregnant! To make it harder, between our families there have been four pregnancies since we started trying. Three of those babies are now around a year old and another is due later this summer.
"Last May, after trying for a year, I went to see my doctor. He referred me to another doctor who could do a laparoscopy. That doctor thought that we would be able to get pregnant without it. He sent me for an Hysterosalpingogram (HSG), which is a procedure where they insert a small balloon/catheter into my uterus, then inject a dye and watch on a special kind of x-Ray to see if the dye moves through the Fallopian tubes and into the ovaries (where it leaks out into your body and is absorbed.) It was a miserable and painful experience! They did it to see if my tubes were blocked. Everything came back normal so the doctor started me on Clomid."
*My previous post can fill in the rest of the details between the last half of 2012 and first half of 2013.
"On Monday last week Ryan and I had out first appointment with Dr. Moore at the University of Utah Center for Reproductive Medicine. I had spent the week before making sure my medical records for every exam, test, procedure and ultrasound I had undergone in the last decade were faxed to Dr. Moore's office so he would have copies of everything to review before my appointment. He already knew my entire history by the time we showed up for our appointment! The more questions we asked and the more we talked to him, the more we liked him. He is young, but he is also familiar with all the latest technology, procedures and statistics. The thing we like most is that he seemed to really listen to us; he gave us recommendations for our unique situation and considered everything he learned about us as important in finding a solution.
"When everything was done, we learned that our chances of becoming pregnant without doing anything are only 1-2%. If I have a laparoscopy to treat my endometriosis and then do IUIs (it usually takes a few tries) with fertility medications it would up our chances to about 10%. This is what the doctor initially recommended we try because the laparoscopy would most likely be covered by insurance (IUIs are about $400 each time) so it would be the most cost effective option. If after a few failed attempts we want to spend more money, In Vitro Fertilization (IVF) would be the next option. We decided we would rather skip straight to IVF. Overall the success rates at UCRM were over 70% (for pregnancy, 60% live birth rate). Dr. Moore has helped 40 couples get pregnant and have babies in his first year and a half or so with UCRM. He has had 7 couples undergo IVF and get pregnant on their first try. Seven of those 40 successful pregnancies were his IVF patients-in other words he has a 100% success rate so far.
"Although having a plan to do IVF gives me hope and we have the start of a plan in place, all week I kept waiting to feel sad. A 1-2% of becoming pregnant naturally is a BIG BLOW! That's almost like NO chance! I keep thinking I should be upset and waiting to break down and cry-it's a harsh reality to come to terms with! But instead I only feel relief. It's hard to explain, but it's like knowing it is nearly impossible to get pregnant without help takes some of the pressure off. I even started my period Saturday night and wasn't ever really upset about it. I guess it just feels good to have an explanation even if I really don't know why I can't get pregnant at least I know that it is unlikely (at least without medical help) so I don't get my hopes up every month. It sounds so sad when I write it all on paper like that but I really do feel okay.
"Now I have something to look forward to. It will not happen for a few months because we need time to save the money (it is EXPENSIVE), but at least now I have real hope that it will happen for me. I guess part of the reason I feel so calm about this whole thing is because for the last year I've been afraid that I might not be able to have children at all; so to hear that I can probably get pregnant at all is good news.
"Tomorrow morning we have our IVF consultation. They will have the test results for the hormone tests they drew blood for last week and we will go over everything we need to know about IVF. Tomorrow we put the plan in place and come up with a time line!"
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