For example on the BBC America drama Orphan Black some bad guys take eggs from a girl without her knowing, fertilize them and then put the embryos into 2 different girls who we are to assume become pregnant (I won’t go into too much detail because this is a show that is currently on the air). There are no hormone injections or supplements leading up to the egg retrieval or embryo transfers. The whole thing looks very easy (and dark). I have gone through an egg retrieval and it is definitely NOT easy. There are hormones (with side effects) involved to help the eggs mature to the point needed before they can be harvested and fertilized.
The Movies
There are only a handful of movies out there that touch on infertility. Some touch on it without ever really addressing it. For example, in Legends of the Fall (1994) Julia Ormond’s character Susannah never becomes a mother despite her obvious desire. She carries a sadness with her that is evident when she holds back tears while talking to Tristan's young son, but the topic is never discussed. Another movie that touches on infertility is The Good Girl (2002) starring Jennifer Aniston. I feel like infertility was only thrown in for extra drama in this case because the adulterous main character finds out she is pregnant just as her husband finds out he is the reason they cannot get pregnant.
Even though television shows have more time with their characters, there are some movies out there that handle the topic better than some of the TV shows (would it kill writers to do a little research?) Still it seems like a lot of the scientific and emotional details are left out when it comes to film. I am sure there are more movies with infertility themes running through the plot, but I will only mention a few.
High Crimes
One movie that comes to mind is the thriller High Crimes (2002). In the very beginning of the movie, Claire (played by Ashley Judd) is taking an ovulation test. When she gets a positive she goes running into her husband’s workshop to have a quickie on the couch. There is even some talk of position in order to up their chances of conception. I feel like this scene was there just to show what a happy couple this was that was about to have their world turned upside down. Nobody gets THAT excited about ovulating. Later in the movie, I think her reaction to a miscarriage (of a pregnancy she did not know she had) was more real than her excitement over ovulating. It seemed like they gave some attention to her desire to have a baby, but brushed over the possible infertility part. Claire's infertility is left in the background and made to be less of a big deal than it actually would be in real life.Julie and Julia
The topic of the movie Julie and Julia (2009) is food and cooking, but infertility is something that subtly weaves its way through the plot. Julia Child and her husband were never able to have children (maybe partially due to age: she was in her late 30s by the time they married), but also never publicly discussed it. I am so glad that the movie included that part of her life in it though. Early in the movie, Julia Child and her husband Paul (played by Meryl Streep and Stanley Tucci) are passed by a woman pushing a baby in a carriage down the street. Julia looks down at the baby and her breath seems to catch in her throat as her face grows sad and her happy demeanor fades. Her husband kisses her hand, acknowledging the pain she feels. I love how this scene shows that something as small as passing a baby on the street can bring even the happiest woman down when the desire for a baby has never become a reality for her. Maybe this desire (or void she feels from lack of children) is partly what drove her to look for things to keep her busy in France. I can relate…instead of bridge club and cooking classes I took a mediation class and started blogging.There is another short scene where Julia finds out that her sister is pregnant. She sits down as she reads the letter leading the audience to believe she is about to share bad news. Then she tells her husband standing beside her that her sister is pregnant. She says she is so happy for her as she stares out the window, then immediately buries her face in her husband’s chest and begins to quietly sob. This short scene brings tears to my eyes every time I see this movie. She knows she should be happy for her sister, but her own infertility makes it hard for her to feel anything but sadness. Her reaction is so real and perfectly played (I would expect nothing less from Meryl Streep). I love that they included this small moment in the movie. I have experienced the sting of a pregnancy announcement more times than I can count. It is nice to see a movie show what the experience of a pregnancy announcement can feel like for infertile couples.
Up
The Disney/Pixar film Up (2009) only briefly touches on infertility, but they do a good job sharing the emotions without saying a word. In the touching opening scene where we get to know Carl and Ellie, they show the happy couple seeing babies in the clouds and cheerily decorating a nursery. Then the music slows and we see the couple sitting in a doctor’s office, Carl standing behind a seated Ellie with his hands on her trembling shoulders as she sobs. She is clearly devastated over news of (I assume) losing a baby, being told she will never become pregnant or both. In the next scene Carl looks out the window at Ellie who is sitting in the yard staring at nothing, with a look of sadness. I like this scene because it makes their infertility news something that follows them home and becomes part of their life. They end up living out their life together childless and happy, working toward a dream they never accomplish before Ellie dies (although a spunky little boy named Russell later helps old man Carl accomplish their dream adventure). As sad as the short clip is, it also shows that a couple can live a good, happy life together filled with purpose and love, even without children. I still think with children, Carl would not have been so lost without Ellie. The relationship he develops with Russell reinforces that idea.What To Expect When You’re Expecting
There are two couples with a history of infertility in the movie What to Expect When You're Expecting (2012): Wendy and Gary (played by Elizabeth Banks and Ben Falcone) and Holly and Alex (played by Jennifer Lopez and Rodrigo Santoro). Wendy and Gary have been trying to conceive for two years without any luck, but we never find out why (which is slightly annoying). The only thing we know they are doing about it for sure is tracking her cycles to time sex during ovulation.Towards the beginning of the movie, they toast with glasses of wine-her first in two years- and Wendy remarks, “I think we should take a break from trying. If that doesn’t work we’ll do three rounds of IVF. And if that doesn’t work, we’ll just adopt.” Even though the scene is somewhat comical, the sentiment is real. With infertility there is no such thing as a break, unless a couple is using birth control or remaining abstinent during that break (which no couple who wants a baby is going to do without medical reason or hope for improving chances in the near future). Even when "taking a break" from treatments or trying, there is still a secret hope that a pregnancy will happen during that break (and if not, you try something else). Any couple who wants a baby that bad is always trying or hoping.
I HATE that they get pregnant after a drunken night of sex as soon as they “relax” and decide take a break because it is such a cliché. In real life that is not the way infertility works. I’m not saying it doesn’t happen, but it is very rare. It is probably even more rare that a couple becomes pregnant the same night they decide to take a break from “trying” or treatments.
I love Wendy's reaction to finding out she is pregnant. Wendy shows up at a public pool where Gary is swimming, waving 5 pregnancy tests in the air and shouting his name. She then jumps in the pool, fully clothed, laughing and screaming that they are pregnant. It’s a little over the top, but I love that she is so excited. After two years of trying I think over-the-top excitement is a realistic reaction. Some of her reactions later on were a little too much: like when she smashes a cell phone claiming that she needs to protect her little miracle.
Another thing I liked about the movie is how Wendy seems to have a miserable pregnancy and always looks uncomfortable and tired, but she doesn’t really complain. She views her baby as a miracle and she is not going to complain about anything relating to that miracle. Her only complaint is that her father-in-law’s young, supermodel wife has such an easy pregnancy and still looks so good (and she is having twins). Wendy never complains until the end when she breaks down and tells the honest truth of all the uncomfortable details to an audience at a seminar where she is speaking. She finally admits that pregnancy is not what she expected it to be. I think in real life a lot of women who have experienced infertility and then become pregnant feel like it is not okay for them to complain because they finally have the pregnancy they wanted for so long. I know I am going to try and suffer silently through any uncomfortableness I feel even though deep down I know it is okay to admit it if I am miserable.
The other couple, Holly and Alex, are preparing for a foreign adoption. They have a home visit by someone from the adoption agency then shortly after, get a call that a baby will be available sooner than expected so they buy a house. Holly and Alex get into an argument outside a bar one night after he learns that she has lost her primary photography job. The argument moves from money and the new house to the cost of infertility treatments. This is when we find out why they are adopting. She says she blames herself for their money troubles because she's the one who had bad eggs (which is a more common reason for infertility than most TV shows give) which is reason they had to spend their 401k money on IVF. Holly nails it when she says, “I am the one who can’t do the one thing that a woman is supposed to be able to do.” That is exactly how I feel sometimes.
Overall, I enjoyed this movie. It got pretty bad reviews, but I thought it was realistic enough for a comedy and had characters I could somewhat relate to. The real over-the-top moments are about the relationships and pregnancies, not the infertility or adoption stories. This movie could have been all about pregnancy, but I am glad that they wove some infertility stories into mix. As far as how it all ends, I like happy endings so I was glad everyone got their babies in the end (with the exception of a couple who got pregnant after a one night stand and then suffer a miscarriage early on).
There are also several popular television shows that have woven infertility into their story lines and I still have more to say about it. When I got the idea for this topic I never imagined what a beast it would become. Check back next week for my opinions on some of my favorite television shows that have tackled (or tried to tackle) the topic of infertility.
Holy cow that was crazy AWESOME!!
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