A Thank You to the Fathers in My Life

I do not know what Father's Day is like for men who are going through infertility or dealing with it with their wives, but I imagine the day carries the same sadness for them as Mother's Day does for me. Ryan loves to spend time with his father and I know that relationship is part of the reason he wants to have his own children so bad. Ryan's dad has been such a great influence on his life. As a child, Ryan has always told me that he used to watch his dad leave for work every morning in a suit, clean-shaven with his hair done, and think, "I want to be like him someday." I think much of his success today can be attributed to his dad's example of what a hard working father is.

Some of Ryan's favorite memories as a teen revolve around his Mustangs. Ryan and his dad both love fast cars and bought several Ford Mustangs that they worked on together when Ryan was a teen. Last year for Father's Day Ryan surprised his dad by taking him to a racetrack in Las Vegas where they both got to drive Ferrari racecars. That is something neither of them will ever forget and I know Ryan is itching to do again!

Ryan also shares the spontaneous tendencies of his father (which I am sure everyone has seen in our last minute vacation plans). Ryan does things in a big way with little to no planning just like his Dad. He has told me stories of his dad taking him out of school to "go for a drive" and ending up in Louisiana or Mexico (they lived in Texas so it's not as far as it sounds). Ryan's dad is such a fun grandpa and all of his grandchildren just adore him. I think sometimes it is hard for Ryan to see his dad with our nieces and nephews because he wishes we had kids who were old enough to be sharing in those experiences. He wants our children to be able to hang out with their grandpa and experience the fun of his spontaneity and energy. Sometimes we feel so rushed because our dads are still young enough to get down on the floor and wrestle with their grandkids right now and we know that the longer it takes us to have children the older our dads are going to be when our kids are old enough to play like that.

To me, it seems that on Father's Day more people focus on their own fathers and grandfathers rather than on their role as fathers, which makes social media a little easier to face (compared to Mother's Day where the focus seems to be more on children). I too am so grateful for my own father. I have always been a daddy's girl for as long as I can remember. As a child, even though my dad could get so mad, he was also the one person who could make me laugh when I was so mad. The worst was the "tear cup," which was a medicine cup he would grab from the cupboard every time I cried to try and catch my tears. It used to make me SO MAD, but I could not keep a straight face with my dad talking all goofy and holding a little plastic cup to my cheek trying to catch a tear.

My dad and I share so many common interests and are very much alike in many ways (we are both nerds for one), so it is no wonder we have always been so close. I remember when I was a kid one of my favorite things to do was go to movies with my dad. In fact, the promise of a movie with dad was about the only way my parents could get me to clean my room in a timely manner (I admit that sometimes it got a little crowded in the closet and under the bed because I had to find a way to hide things fast). I went to movies with just my dad and sometimes even got to go along to late movies with him and his college buddies. I did not even always care to see the movies we went to. I remember seeing a Star Trek movie in particular (Star Trek IV maybe?) that I only wanted to go to because it was a late movie in the theater with dad.

 Another interest I had in common with my dad was writing. I have always loved to write poetry and even made my dad a whole book of poems for his birthday one year. He is a technical writer, but has written many poems and some fiction for fun. When I was around 8 years old we wrote a children's book together about a day in the park that he had me illustrate. He even tried to get it published, but turned down an opportunity because they did not want to use my original illustrations in the final work. My dad has also always pushed me to succeed and been there to help me whenever I needed words of encouragement or a paper edited. I love the feeling of telling him when I do well at something because hearing him tell me how proud he is always makes my accomplishments feel that much better.

My dad has also always been there to catch me when I fall. I have moved back in with him twice in my adult life when things took a bad turn and I had no one else to go to. The first time was after my divorce when I was 23 and the second time was when I needed a way out of a bad relationship. My dad offered to let me live with him free of charge if I would move out of the apartment I shared with a boyfriend and go back to college. It was the opportunity I needed to leave the relationship and better my life. A year later I met Ryan. My dad was always a good judge of character as well. I think Ryan was the first guy I ever dated that he actually liked. Of course he never told me how much he disliked any of my other boyfriends until after we broke up because he knows me well enough to know I would not have listened. I love that Ryan and my dad have the relationship they do and love and respect each other the way they do.

Besides my dad, I have also been blessed with two wonderful grandpas. My Grandpa Bill will be in town for his 80th birthday next month. Some of my best memories with him are from when I was nine years old and stayed with him and his wife for a month while I learned to ride her horse. Even though I was there for the horseback riding lessons, my favorite days were the days I went to work with my grandpa. He collected cable boxes for Cox Cable and drove around to homes and businesses all day. I loved just riding around in his truck with him. He always had Care Free bubble gum in the truck and the smell of bubble gum still reminds me of him He would take me to McDonald's (or anywhere I wanted) for lunch and he let me order anything I wanted.

My Grandpa Bill has always liked to tease and I remember not knowing how to react sometimes because I did not know if he was joking or serious. At stores he would flirt with the cashiers and ask me why I was calling him grandpa, saying to call him uncle because he was too young to be a grandpa. The cashiers would help me tease him back and laugh when I exclaimed, "You're not my uncle, you're my grandpa!" He still calls me every year on my birthday and adds 10 years to my age. I keep telling him to stop wishing my life away because it just makes him older too. He also still sometimes calls me Carlot. He called me that ALL THE TIME as a child, in fact sometimes I wondered if he actually knew my real name (which clearly he did...I was named after my grandma, his late wife). I wish I got to see him more and I am so excited to help throw him a birthday party-the first birthday party he has ever had-next month.

Growing up, my mom, my sisters and I used to spend two to three weeks every summer staying with my grandma and grandpa at their house in Idaho Falls. This grandpa was always very quiet and a good example of love and faith. I remember seeing him sit on the couch in the living room reading his scriptures or hearing him say the prayer before family dinner. I never saw him lose his temper or get mad and he loved my grandma more than anything-even when she would get mad. Sometimes he would go upstairs to his bedroom to get away from all the girls (grandma, mom, aunts, sisters and me) and watch a game by himself. That was the only time I ever heard him raise his voice: to yell at the TV when his football team was losing. Sometimes he would just go out front and sit in a chair in the driveway enjoying the quiet.

My favorite memory of my grandpa is his reaction to me and any other family members arriving at his house. I can still see their living room full of people (all women, unless my aunts' husband were there). My grandpa was always the first to jump up from the couch, big smile and his face, and greet me with a happy chuckle as he pulled me into a tight hug. His greeting would always make me think I should visit more. He always made me feel so welcome. I don't quite know how to describe our relationship other than just comfortable; I always felt so content just hanging out with him. He was an easy person to get along with and a good listener. He was always such a happy man and I will never forget the sound of his laugh or the way his eyes lit up when he saw me. He was a very hard working family man too. My mom has always been close to him and still calls him "daddy" when she talks about him. Even as an adult she always turned to him for advice any time she had a problem. I know losing him has been hard on her, my aunts and especially my grandma. It has definitely made me realize just how much a father really holds his family together and makes it complete.

In marrying Ryan I gained an amazing father-in-law, Lamar. He accepted me into their family from the beginning and made me feel like another daughter. I will never have the same relationship with him that his own daughters do, just like nobody will ever know my dad the way my sisters and I do, but I am happy to have him as a second dad just the same. I admire the relationship he has with Ryan's mom and love seeing the way they take care of each other. I think the thing I appreciate most is the way he supports Ryan. I love listening to the two of them talk and I know that Lamar is so proud of Ryan. I love that Ryan still needs his dad and that Lamar is always wiling to listen and give advice.

Lamar is so supportive of our relationship and accomplishments together and apart. He even drove up from St. George just to attend my college graduation and gave me the money to buy my class ring as a gift. On one trip to visit Ryan's parents in St. George, his dad took me on a Harley ride we took out to the Arizona border one day. We talked the whole time, I can't remember what we talked about, but it was still special. Two years ago on a visit we watched "It's A Wonderful Life" on TV on Christmas Eve while Ryan and his mom wrapped gifts upstairs. In my family that was always a tradition to watch that movie on Christmas Eve, so it was nice to be able to do that even though I was not with my family. Since it was on TV, we even had commercial breaks to talk. One thing he has done a few times that I love, is that he will ask me if there is anything he needs to have a father-son talk with Ryan about. I think it's his way of asking if anything is going rough, but I love that he opens the conversation up for me to let him know when Ryan is struggling in any areas of his life. Ryan tends to tell his dad when things are going well, but I think his dad would love to hear when he is struggling as well so he can have the opportunity to help him.

I am lucky to have so many great fathers and grandfathers in my life. They are all such great examples of support and love. My dad always used to tell me "Remember who you are" before I left to go out with friends. I thought it was so silly, but it stuck with me and sometimes thinking about those words helped me make better decisions. I know now that my dad is part of who I am today and for that I am thankful. I know Ryan and I have learned so much from our fathers and we are going to be better parents because of it. Even though we do not have children yet, Ryan is the head of our family and my rock. I don't know what I would do without him. I am so thankful for Ryan's father and grandfather's because their influence is a large part of who Ryan is today. I cannot wait to see Ryan hold our own baby in his arms someday.